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Thread: Star Wars VII Plot Revealed

  1. #1
    Orca Whisperer W3WN's Avatar
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    Star Wars VII Plot Revealed

    Courtesy of Greg Easterbrook's Tuesday Morning Quarterback column:

    There’s a huge space battle that is never explained. (Do you have any idea who was fighting whom at the beginning of “Revenge of the Sith?”) A mysterious masked figure cackles about power and hurls energy bolts. Respectable people refuse to believe that dark forces are afoot, though this happens constantly in the Star Wars galaxy. Good-looking teenagers decide to make a stand: Luckily, they have magic! One of the good-looking teens is revealed to be related to someone important; this is presented as a huge surprise. There are numerous battles in which Jedi armed only with light sabers defeat storm troopers, clones or droids with laser guns. In order to deflect the laser shots, the arms holding the light sabers must move faster than the speed of light.

    An adorable computer-animated robot mugs for the camera while adorable computer-animated pet-like aliens do something heroic. Someone takes a vow as music swells. Noble space-fighter pilots stage a desperate attack against a gigantic weapon; the noble pilots use World War I dogfighting tactics rather than, say, delivering a bomb. (In the Star Wars galaxy, antigravity devices are common but explosives are unknown, as are guard rails.) It all builds up to a light-saber confrontation. Let’s see, they’ve done it at the edge of a flying city and on a lava field; maybe this light-saber fight will occur inside a supernova. Good triumphs over evil, or at least sets the stage for a sequel.

    What to watch for while popping Milk Duds: How many bottomless pits? In “Return of the Jedi,” the emperor had a bottomless pit
    in his office.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/11/up...pgtype=article

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  2. #2
    Conch Master suddenseer's Avatar
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    Thanks for spoiling it for everyone, THANKS!

    cul de n8tb
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  3. #3
    Tiki Bearer WA7PBE's Avatar
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    no mention of explosions though im disappointed
    hey im back for now

  4. #4
    Orca Whisperer W3WN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by suddenseer View Post
    Thanks for spoiling it for everyone, THANKS!
    Don't blame me. Go after Easterbrook.
    Quote Originally Posted by WA7PBE View Post
    no mention of explosions though, I'm disappointed
    Implied in the description of the "numerous battles"
    “Nobody is going to feel sorry for us. 90% of the people don’t care, the other 10% are glad it happened.” — Clint Hurdle, 2019

    BAN THE DH!

    Fudd's First Law of Opposition: If you push something hard enough, it WILL fall down.
    Teslacle's Deviant to Fudd's Law: It goes in, it must go out.

    Just remember: Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain. He died in Washington, DC

    Cutch 2K!!

    “Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Trump golfed.” — Bernie Sanders

    Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati


  5. #5
    'Grumpy old bastid' kb2vxa's Avatar
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    Recycle the scripts Luke, recycle the scripts. (;->) What about Star Trek Meets Star Wars (recycle the farce) where the Exitprize veers out of control at warp 100,009 when Q does it again and ends up a long time ago in a galaxy far away? Will the insanity ever end? Will they find a way home (Star Trek: Voyager)? Wait for it, I won't spoil it for you, I don't have to unless you think it's where no one has gone before.
    Attached Files Attached Files
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  6. #6
    Orca Whisperer W3WN's Avatar
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    Funny you should mention that...

    Back in college, or if you prefer, skool daze... the Star Trek-oriented offshoot of the SciFi club created a little radio drama called "Lost in Star Trek".

    The Enterprise, of course, would be found in the Normal Based Continuum. The Jupiter II was stuck in Changed Base State. They met up when a warp field related accident thrust the Enterprise from NBC to CBS. And if you think it was as bad as this implies... no, it was worse, much worse.

    (Incidentally, if you were wondering... spoiler alert... thanks of course to Dr. Smith's bumbling interference, the Jupiter II was on the verge of defeating the Enterprise, when Scotty was finally able to reverse the warp field and return to NBC. Or something like that. And Captain Kirk was very disappointed that Judy, ummm, declined to take advantage of his company. )
    “Nobody is going to feel sorry for us. 90% of the people don’t care, the other 10% are glad it happened.” — Clint Hurdle, 2019

    BAN THE DH!

    Fudd's First Law of Opposition: If you push something hard enough, it WILL fall down.
    Teslacle's Deviant to Fudd's Law: It goes in, it must go out.

    Just remember: Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain. He died in Washington, DC

    Cutch 2K!!

    “Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Trump golfed.” — Bernie Sanders

    Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati


  7. #7
    "Island Bartender" KG4CGC's Avatar
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    Star Wars already happened.
    Star Trek has yet to happen.

  8. #8
    'Grumpy old bastid' kb2vxa's Avatar
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    Doctor Who happens everywhere and everywhen all at once. Yes, it’s the Doctor, strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. And with his TARDIS larger on the inside than the outside, disguised as an ordinary police call box, fights a never ending battle against strange alien invaders for truth, justice and the English way.
    Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time,
    Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines.
    Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way.
    The time is gone, the song is over,
    Thought I'd something more to say.
    "The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you."
    Neil deGrasse Tyson

    73 de Warren KB2VXA
    Station powered by atomic energy, operator powered by natural gas.

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