I feel bad for my postal chick

[K7SGJ]

I really feel bad for my cute little contract postal delivery chick.

I heard all this commotion the other day, and jumped on my horse to get out to the street to see what was going on. I hit the ground with a terrible thud, and that's when I realized, I don't have horses. So, since the chickens are still too small to ride, I walked out there instead. Sitting on the rear deck of her SUV, was the cutie that delivers our mail. She was shaking violently and mumbling something incoherently. I sat down next to her, put my arm around her, and let her cry on my shoulder. This, of course was arousing in and of itself.

After she had calmed down a little, I asked her what was wrong. She grabbed a package and gingerly shook it. It started talking. She looked at me and said "that asshole friend of yours in Alabama mailed you a live redneck midget". As I gently stroked her cheek and gently brushed my lips across hers, I whispered, "not even that bastid is that crazy". It was then she begged me to rip it open, and get some fresh air to the little person inside.

Fearing she might be right, I carefully broke the seal on the package, and opened the flaps on the box. There, inside, was a humanoid shape, wrapped up in mini bubble wrap. All kind of things ran through my mind. Was this a neighbor kid that pissed him off, the paperboy that pitched the Sunday rag through his front window, an unwanted child? Holy hell. Oh the humanity.

By now, the cute little mail chick had passed out in my lap, which was nice, too, but I digress. (and dream) I carefully unwrapped the mini bubble wrap, and there, there was something I'd always wanted, but never managed to have. Yes, my very own, battery operated, moving-talking

RED NECK DRINKING BUDDY

WOOT!

IMG_3611.jpg

All I have to do is push the button, and one of several witty phrases spoken in a southern drawl comes out of his moving mouth. Like most Alabamans, it's really hard to understand what the hell he is saying.

The cute little mail chick had come to by now, and was fascinated, not. And, as she drove off I could hear her screaming "I'm going to quite this damn route". I ran after her exclaiming "but, but, but can you take a package for me? It's going to Alabama. I'm not sure what she said as her SUV disappeared in a cloud of dust, but it sounded like Fuck Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

I love it when she talks dirty to me.

[WX7P]

Most foul (or fowl?) indeed.

Watch that heart rate, Eddie. You could have ISSUES>>>

[NA4BH]

So it came from Alabama, there are three or four other people that live in this state. Why do I get the blame? I feel you're giving me some sort of monkey business. But on the bright side, Eddie has at least one friend.

Remember, I (or somebody from Alabama) told you, you needed a friend.

[NQ6U]

So it came from Alabama.

Did it have a banjo on it's knee?

[NA4BH]

Did it have a banjo on it's knee?

Eddie's only trying to send a cover-up for someone's ass.

[K7SGJ]

Eddie's only trying to send a cover-up for someone's ass.

I'm going to fix you up with a special chick from Minnesota.

[NQ6U]

I'm going to fix you up with a special chick from Minnesota.

[NA4BH]

Oh crap, he's back.

[NA4BH]

He is saying my fingerprints were all over the box. Sure I might have owned that roll of tape before, but I sold it at a yard sale (yeah that's it, yard sale). And there's no telling who sent him it to him. I think Eddie sent it to himself and is now blaming me. This is the only logical explanation of what he says. He's just trying to cover somebodies ass.

[K7SGJ]

And takin names.