The men's side of the story...

[PA5COR]

Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[X-Rated]

Give 'em hell.

[N2CHX]

I'll tie this in to a Top 10 list that was recently posted in the gun thread...

BANG!

That was the sound of a woman taking care of business. Only one decision left to make. Back 40, river, or concrete?

[X-Rated]

Wait a minute. Did you just shoot with a legal weapon, or an illegal weapon? Did it have automatic functions and if so, was it fully automatic? Did you inherit it like it was a musket, or did you buy it from the store? How long did you have to wait to get the approval from the NICS?

I mean you can't just shoot. This is complicated stuff here.

[NY3V]

If they are illegitimate, they can't be raped?

[NA4BH]

If they are illegitimate, they can't be raped?

HUH ????

[kb2vxa]

"Only one decision left to make. Back 40, river, or concrete?"

A river runs through it, concrete keeps them down while sleeping with the fishes. You might try the Manasquan Inlet, crabs eat them faster than fishes. Let the cops find the gun, the guy you stole it from will have a fun time explaining.

[N2NH]

When given a chance to sleep on the couch, I usually began to get dressed to seek accommodations elsewhere.

The bed was suddenly available again. Never got to the door. She'd block it if I headed for it.