"Nothing like a 60' fir coming crashing through your roof while you're trying to (insert favorite activity here)."
Nothing like a 60' fir coming crashing through your roof while you're trying to (do the horizontal bop). The EMTs would have to arrive quickly with extrication tools to get me out before the poor girl chokes to death.

"But next week we are going to see a brief return to summer as temperatures reach into the upper 70's by Wednesday."
You call that a summer? When we get temperatures in the 90s with humidity to match, now I call THIS a summer. (Sorry Crockamile Funpee.)

"We are waiting for the arrival of what's left of Typhoon Songda that Environment Canada says we are square in the bullseye for!"
Canada has an environment? Like we say here at the Jersey Shore, batten down the hatches and prepare for a blow. That means close all the windows, secure all loose outdoor objects and pray the power stays on so you don't go buggy staring at the wall by candlelight. Hey, you and the missus can only entertain yourselves for so long before the well runs dry.