Random Joke Thread

[KG4CGC]

This guy goes into a bar. No, wait, He doesn't do that yet. Or maybe it's a grocery store. Okay, it doesn't matter. Let's say it's a bar. He's somewhere in the vicinity of a bar, right? So, anyway, there's this dog and he says something odd. I don't remember, but this other guy says, um, well, I forget. But it was funny.

Joke of the week.

[HUGH]

There were three Indian squaws in the tribe, one slept on a deer skin, one on a buffalo skin and one on a hippopotamus skin.
They all became pregnant at about the same time, the first two squaws each had a baby boy but the third squaw, who slept on the hippopotamus skin, had twin boys.

It proves that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

[K7SGJ]

There were three Indian squaws in the tribe, one slept on a deer skin, one on a buffalo skin and one on a hippopotamus skin.
They all became pregnant at about the same time, the first two squaws each had a baby boy but the third squaw, who slept on the hippopotamus skin, had twin boys.

It proves that the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

Her sister's name was ninety-nine cents. She was always under a buck.

[K7SGJ]

WOMAN STOPS GRIZZLY ATTACK WITH 25 CALIBER PISTOL

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an "itsy bitsy shooter" by a woman facing a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself? The Berretta 25 cal. Jetfire.

Here is the story:

While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband, we were surprised by a huge Grizzly Bear charging us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs, because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my husband's kneecap was all it took. The bear got him, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

It's one of the best pistols in my collection.

[K7SGJ]

dupe

[K7SGJ]

A Recent Study of Crow Road Kills in Alberta*~~ A recent AB Govt.study, has found over 200 dead crows near Calgary, Alberta and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu virus. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief. However, he was also able to determine that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with large trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impact. The Provincial Government hired an Ornithological Behaviorist from Toronto to determine the disproportionate percentages for the large truck versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short order. When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. His conclusion was that: The lookout crow could say "Cah", but he could not say "Truck." ******************************************

[VE7DCW]

WOMAN STOPS GRIZZLY ATTACK WITH 25 CALIBER PISTOL

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an "itsy bitsy shooter" by a woman facing a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself? The Berretta 25 cal. Jetfire.

Here is the story:

While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my husband, we were surprised by a huge Grizzly Bear charging us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs, because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to my husband's kneecap was all it took. The bear got him, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

It's one of the best pistols in my collection.

Any story that comes out of Alberta would be just plain cwaaaaazy!!! :rofl:

[K7SGJ]

A nun walks into the mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior ... 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'

'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We tryto play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer beforeI devoted my life to Christ.'

'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day ofrecreation was not totally relaxing?'

'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'

'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell meall about it!'

'Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, Mother Superior- 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dog leg left and a hidden green....and I hit thedrive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.

And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hitsa bird in mid-flight !'

'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't makeyou blaspheme, Sister!'

'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom whathad happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs offdown the fairway!'

'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.

'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! Andwhile I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out ofthe sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched inhis paws!'

'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile.
'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as
the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and thehawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his pawsand rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

'You missed the fuckin' putt, didn't you?

[W4GPL]

Q: How can you tell you're in a gay church?

A: Only half of the parishioners are kneeling.

[K7SGJ]

THIS IS WHY WE LOVE LOGICAL OLD PEOPLE

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics' shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked upa couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem--how to carry all his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to getto 1603 Mockingbird Lane?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand? Why, thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way, he said 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?' The farmer said, 'Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.