I gave away my Dell Laptop today.....

[KA9MOT]

My son goes to school with a young lady (aged 13) who has not been getting her work in on time because she had no computer and I decided to give her that Dell I was trying to sell. I sent Stevie to school with a note for her mom that detailed what I wanted to do but I needed her permission to do it.

Mom called me, and we set up a time after school to give the kid the computer. I expected Mom and her daughter to show up. Instead, Mom and 6 kids aging from 13 years to an infant showed up. She had no control, I had little monsters running all over the house while she explained to us that she was a single mom with no job who lived in housing and received welfare and food stamps. Mellisa asked about the children's father and it turns out most of these kids have different daddies, and she is very proud that she is raising them as a single parent. No Job, No car and she pays $89 a month for a 3 bedroom apartment. But her future is improving. She very excitedly told my wife that the 3rd or 4th kid's dad asked her to marry him and he has promised to get a good job and support the family (get this) as soon as they release him from the county jail. I almost fell out of my chair trying not to laugh. She did not say why he is in jail.


The whole time she was here, she neglected her children, got angry when I spoke sharply to a 3 year old who was pulling the ears and tail off my cat and was constantly texting on her Galaxy S smartphone.... yes, I asked... I always ask about the phones cuzz I'm nosy.

The girl who got the computer was very soft spoken and well behaved. I'm glad I gave her the computer, but I am deeply disturbed about her family life. I feel Mom's irresponsibility is a form of child abuse and I seriously wonder about the futures of these children.

I just wanted to talk about it. Thanks for allowing me to vent here.

[n2ize]

Unfortunately this is a condition that exists. The Mom, like so many in her situation, no job, trying to raise more than one kid with more than one father, one guy in jail who she thinks is going to come back to her when he gets out, etc. You can;t entirely blame the Mom, she's in a rut and probably doesn't even know how to go about getting out of it. And she would probably look at constructive criticism more as an attack against her than a attempt to tryto reinforce change and a way of getting out of the rut she's in. I've been in a few ruts myself and I know how hard it can be to motivate yourself to climb out of a rut. You just feel like you are at the bottom of a deep pit and the entire weight of the world is coming down on you. Sometimes it feels like change is impossible.

Far as the 13 year old not getting her work done, I really doubt its because she had no computer. Lots of young kids these days still have no computer yet they still manage to get their work done. Usually the school will have some computers available and there is also the public library. besides, what happened to good ol' fashioned pencil, paper, and books ? Even nowaday's they still do work.The computer may help her somewhat but I wonder if it has more to do with her home life not being conducive to study and homework.

In any event I hope the child makes out okay. And I hope the Mom gets her life in order.

[N8YX]

This is why we can't have nice things, and is a prime indicator of why the generational welfare system needs to be stopped in its tracks.

Good for you for helping the girl out, Steve...but the mother and father(s) involved all need a serious ass-kicking. If they refuse to work...there's always the ObamaCamps.

[n2ize]

This is why we can't have nice things, and is a prime indicator of why the generational welfare system needs to be stopped in its tracks.

I don't think stopping it in its tracks is an answer and, as a matter of fact would probably cause more harm than good. Most welfare recipients use welfare for its intended purpose. as a short term means of maintaining a basic and very minimalist standard of living until they either find employment or, as in a position to do so successfully.

Good for you for helping the girl out, Steve...but the mother and father(s) involved all need a serious ass-kicking. If they refuse to work...there's always the ObamaCamps.

We don't know if they "refuse to work". One father is apparently in jail and obviously cannot work. The mother is in a tough situation, trying to raise more than one kid, and she probably had barely any motivation nor understanding of how to change things.

Falling into the rut of poverty and low income bears a striking and difficult set of problems of both the economic and psychological kinds. many people in those situation lack the social and educational skills required to climb out of the hole they are in. falling into such a situation for an extended length of time often leads these people into a state of despair and apathy. They quickly lose self esteem and motivation along with any sense of self worth that they may have at once had. Furthermore the ability to better ones self(i.e., get a college education, learn a trade or acquire a skill) is out of reach for many.

Statistics that I have personally examined seem to indicate a very high rate of job instability among welfare recipients. In most instances they ended up on welfare after losing a low level job in the service industry, (i.e fast foods, telemarketing, Wallmart clerk, etc.). They go on welfare for the short term and eventually find a new job. But the jobs they do end up finding tend to be unstable and insecure and often find themselves out of work again within a short time and back on the welfare roles. Many, esp those with children need to stay on some form of public assistance while they work as the jobs pay crappy wages, provide minimal (or no) benefits, etc. More often than not they lack the educational background or financial support to further their education. Enrolling in a local college and getting a degree in some profession is simply unattainable..

[WØTKX]

Steve, see if there is a Big Sister group that can help her out. Or 4H, or something. Learning about the outside world in an optimistic way would help to show that it gets better. Especially for kids who get it, learning and thriving even with a rough start. Even without a lot of $$$, kids have the energy to do well. If they get the right encouragement.

Not all families can do that, and it has nothing to do with the "structure" of the family.

[KC2UGV]

Without trying to get into the politics of this situation: Our welfare system has a stupid rule the hinders pulling oneself out of this sort of situation. You are not allowed to have a savings account, or else they cut you off.

I found out about this from a friend in this situation. I suggested that while she is staying with us (As well as her daughters), she open a savings account, and drive every last dollar into it that she can.

Then she told me: Then I'd lose the health insurance, due to my assets.

That hurt. What I did, is let her deposit with "First National Bank of Corey", and I'll split the interest earned with her when she makes the withdrawal. Yes, I'm taking the tax hit, but she's trying, and the first step to financial security is an emergency savings. Hard to dig out of debt when you rack up new debt with surprise expenses.

[KG4CGC]

Without trying to get into the politics of this situation: Our welfare system has a stupid rule the hinders pulling oneself out of this sort of situation. You are not allowed to have a savings account, or else they cut you off.

I found out about this from a friend in this situation. I suggested that while she is staying with us (As well as her daughters), she open a savings account, and drive every last dollar into it that she can.

Then she told me: Then I'd lose the health insurance, due to my assets.

That hurt. What I did, is let her deposit with "First National Bank of Corey", and I'll split the interest earned with her when she makes the withdrawal. Yes, I'm taking the tax hit, but she's trying, and the first step to financial security is an emergency savings. Hard to dig out of debt when you rack up new debt with surprise expenses.

Did this system you describe start in the 90s? You know, keeping them down and not allowed to have a savings acct?

[KC2UGV]

Did this system you describe start in the 90s? You know, keeping them down and not allowed to have a savings acct?

Honestly, I don't know.

[KG4CGC]

Honestly, I don't know.

If you recall, Reagan and Gingrich were responsible for "reforming" the welfare system. I wouldn't be surprised if what was actually accomplished was to make it more punitive.

[W3WN]

Did this system you describe start in the 90s? You know, keeping them down and not allowed to have a savings acct?

I don't know about that. It may depend on the location, too, as some states have different rules regarding how they distribute welfare funding.

I think the real issue, though, is simply this: No matter how lofty and noble the proposed laws are, and no matter how lofty and noble (and constructive) the goals are... the actual rules and procedures are written not by the law makers, but by the bureaucrats that run the agencies. Too many of these rules are written to actually serve THEIR needs -- to keep their jobs, to keep their control & power(such as it is), and to make their lives easier.

So, for example, a desired outcome of a rule might be that no one with significant assets should receive public assistance... as they clearly have the means to support themselves. Sounds like a good idea, right? But -- where do you draw the line? What is "significant" in this situation... a house? a car? a savings account with $50,000 in it? $5000? $50?

Better & easier -- for the bureaucrats -- to frame the appropriate regulations to just prohibit a savings account, period. Besides, if you're saving money, then The Government must be paying you too much, right?

It just takes a few rules based on fractured logic like this to set up a system that is designed to keep people in, instead of giving them the means to find a way out.