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Thread: Jokes Yuks Laughs Ha ha and Jocularity Thread

  1. #171
    "Island Bartender" KG4CGC's Avatar
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    The world explained by two cows. (and hence, the reason to stick to chickens)

    *SOCIALISM
    *
    You have 2 cows.

    You give one to your neighbour.

    *
    COMMUNISM
    *
    You have 2 cows

    The State takes both and gives you some milk.

    *
    FASCISM
    *
    You have 2 cows.

    The State takes both and sells you some milk.

    *
    BUREAUCRATISM
    *
    You have 2 cows.

    The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk
    away.

    *
    TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
    *
    You have two cows.

    You sell one and buy a bull.

    Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

    You sell them and retire on the income.

    *
    VENTURE CAPITALISM
    *
    You have two cows.

    You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
    credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
    debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four
    cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

    The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
    Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
    the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

    The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
    more.

    *
    AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
    *
    You have two cows.

    You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

    Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died.

    *
    A FRENCH CORPORATION
    *
    You have two cows.

    You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want
    three cows.

    *
    AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
    *
    You have two cows, but you dont know where they are.

    You decide to have lunch.

    *
    A SWISS CORPORATION
    *
    You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.

    You charge the owners for storing them.

    *
    A CHINESE CORPORATION
    *
    You have two cows.

    You have 300 people milking them.

    You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.

    You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    *
    AN INDIAN CORPORATION
    *
    You have two cows.

    You worship them.

    *
    A BRITISH CORPORATION
    *
    You have two cows.

    Both are mad.

    *
    AN IRAQI CORPORATION
    *
    Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

    You tell them that you have none.

    Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your
    country.

    You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.

    *
    AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
    *
    You have two cows.

    Business seems pretty good.

    You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

    *
    A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
    *
    You have two cows.

    The one on the left looks very attractive.

    ---- Author unknown

    I've enjoyed island life for 14 years. That's 10 years more than the Confederacy was around.
    RIP Albi
    When do you tell a woman you're a ham?

    It's a jungle out there. Many EQ stupidly with poor articulation.
    ~TKX

  2. #172
    "Island Bartender" KG4CGC's Avatar
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    A professor at the University of Wisconsin was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.

    Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to spice up his lecture.

    He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

    She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

    It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

    I've enjoyed island life for 14 years. That's 10 years more than the Confederacy was around.
    RIP Albi
    When do you tell a woman you're a ham?

    It's a jungle out there. Many EQ stupidly with poor articulation.
    ~TKX

  3. #173
    Whacker Knot WTKX's Avatar
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    Attachment 17794
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    Most of the time we are punished if we go against the trend. Only at an inflection point are we rewarded. ~ George Soros



  4. #174
    "Island Bartender" KG4CGC's Avatar
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    An elderly doctor (Dr. Old) decided to retire. There were other doctors in town; no one would be without health care.

    But after a while, he got bored, so he opened a "minute clinic" type place. There was a sign out front that read, "$500 per visit. If I can't cure you, I pay you $1000."
    One of the younger doctors in town (Dr. Young) was annoyed by this, because several of Dr. Old's former patients left the former for the latter. So Dr. Young decided he could bankrupt Dr. Old.
    Here's what happened.
    Dr. Young: Doctor, I seem to have lost all sense of taste.
    Dr. Old: Hmm. Nurse, get mixture #22 and give the patient 3 drops of it. (Nurse does so)
    Dr. Young, spitting it out: Yuck! That's gasoline!
    Dr. Old: I guess your sense of taste has returned. $500, please.
    A couple of weeks later, Dr. Young came back.
    Dr. Young: I keep forgetting things, my memory is shot.

    Dr. Old: Nurse, get mixture #22 and give the patient 3 drops of it.
    Dr. Young: Oh, no you don't! That stuff is gasoline!
    Dr. Old: Your memory seems OK to me. $500, please.
    Another couple of weeks go by. Dr. Young returns.
    Dr. Young: My vision is awful, I can hardly see a thing.
    Dr. Old: Well, I don't have a medicine that can cure that. Here's $1000. (pulls out a $10 bill)
    Dr. Young: Hey, that's a $10 bill!

    Dr. Old: Looks like your vision is fine. $500 please. And GTHOML.
    I've enjoyed island life for 14 years. That's 10 years more than the Confederacy was around.
    RIP Albi
    When do you tell a woman you're a ham?

    It's a jungle out there. Many EQ stupidly with poor articulation.
    ~TKX

  5. #175
    "Island Bartender" KG4CGC's Avatar
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    I've enjoyed island life for 14 years. That's 10 years more than the Confederacy was around.
    RIP Albi
    When do you tell a woman you're a ham?

    It's a jungle out there. Many EQ stupidly with poor articulation.
    ~TKX

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