The speeding pilot
I had this funny little pun I always wanted to crack when someone was speeding.
So there I am, shooting with my laser and pulling over this guy in a Volvo. "That was a bit fast, may I see your pilot license?" So the guy in the Volvo responds. "Sure thing", and provides a pilot license.
At that moment I decided to stop making that joke, but I let him go with a warning. "Everything seems to be in order, drive a bit more careful from now on, will you?"


Late on a weeknight I found a van sitting on the side of a county road. The driver's side door was open and the driver was in the seat with his legs propped up sticking out of the window. I turned around and stopped behind him. The guy in the driver's seat was very drunk and passed completely out. He wasn't even aware I had showed up. I had to shake him to wake him up. When he came to, he looked at me for a second, straightened up in the seat, fixed his clothes a bit, closed the door, put on his seat belt, leaned out the window and said, "Is there a problem, officer?"