The wife suggested I get myself one ofthose penis enlargers. So I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy.
The wife suggested I get myself one ofthose penis enlargers. So I did. She's 25, and her name's Kathy.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory
RIP ALBI-W3MIV RIP RUSS-W5RB RIP BOB-VK3ZL
“The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words."
--Philip K. Dick
A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies.The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia . This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentuckey huntin’ license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee license?”
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’ license?”
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia. hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just where the hell are you from?
“The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert!!”
I've enjoyed island life for 17 years. That's 13 years more than the Confederacy was around.
RIP Albi
When do you tell a woman you're a ham?
It's a jungle out there. Many EQ stupidly with poor articulation.
~TKX
YIAH
"And, of course, the Gym Teacher being his usual self."
W3WN
"The enablers ride on the top of the pile."
WZ7U
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall,holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girllooked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin... perhaps it's aboot timefor a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on thecheek.
Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out overthe loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny foryour thoughts, Angus?"
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot timefor a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him fora few seconds. Then he blushed.
And the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts,Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time youlet me put my hand on your leg." The girl blushed, then took his hand andput it on her knee. Then he lushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the lochbefore the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts,Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well,noo," he said, 'my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time.'"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit herlip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Then he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time yepaid me the first three pennies?"
A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory
RIP ALBI-W3MIV RIP RUSS-W5RB RIP BOB-VK3ZL
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed,
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she
protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned
around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later
with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and
shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the
head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he
returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat
back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it's now $150."
I've enjoyed island life for 17 years. That's 13 years more than the Confederacy was around.
RIP Albi
When do you tell a woman you're a ham?
It's a jungle out there. Many EQ stupidly with poor articulation.
~TKX
YIAH
"And, of course, the Gym Teacher being his usual self."
W3WN
"The enablers ride on the top of the pile."
WZ7U
Hee hee...... the labs are always the expensive part!
KD8EFQ ~ "With MFJ one might as well stand outside during the worst possible calamity and wair for death."
“The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words."
--Philip K. Dick
During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says,
"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor.
"No! No! .... Just stick out your tongue!"
Scott - NØIU
President - National Sarcasm Society
"Like we need your support!"
My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils.
A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a Salesman standing right behind her – Good looking as well.
Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam. How may we help You today?
Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘what is the price of this Lovely bracelet?’
He answers, “Madam – if you farted just looking at it – you’re going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price!”
I've enjoyed island life for 17 years. That's 13 years more than the Confederacy was around.
RIP Albi
When do you tell a woman you're a ham?
It's a jungle out there. Many EQ stupidly with poor articulation.
~TKX
YIAH
"And, of course, the Gym Teacher being his usual self."
W3WN
"The enablers ride on the top of the pile."
WZ7U
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
