Jokes Yuks Laughs Ha ha and Jocularity Thread

[VK3ZL]

This is pretty messed up.

http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/entertainment-articles/the-most-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/?fb_action_ids=10200881266696504&fb_action_types=o g.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_ma p={%2210200881266696504%22%3A547720438596902}&acti on_type_map={%2210200881266696504%22%3A%22og.likes %22}&action_ref_map=[]

Bloody priceless Charles....

I can relate to that situation..

Many years ago, 1991, I had had more spinal reconstruction surgery and after 3 months in Epworth hospital I was to be transported by air ambulance from Melbourne to Portland hospital for the remainder of my recovery...I was entirely immobile being sandwiched between two fiber glass body casts and couldn't move...If I wanted to crap or pee I had to have the assistance of two nurses who would jack my butt end up and slide the pan under me to catch the result..I had little control of my functions due to the surgery and had to be on the ball when I got the urge..The air ambulance was a Beech Kingair fitted with stretcher facilities and also seating for another 6 passengers plus two nurses..There were a few sitting passengers and me strapped down on the stretcher...About 15 minutes into the flight I suddenly had the urge to unload my bowels and in the situation I was feeling pretty vulnerable especially with the other passengers sitting beside and around me...Anyhow, the nurses being completely professional, grabbed a bed pan, ( silver saddle) and proceeded to jack my arse end up and clear the way for the expected result...Have any of you had to shit up hill with half a dozen people watching? I had become a master at it of course and the result was quite explosive at 30 thousand feet filling the fuselage with most of the day before dinner and breakfast odours...The looks I got from some of the passengers told me how they felt and I was feeling pretty embarrassed...The nurses took the whole episode in their stride though..The pilot came to talk to me when we landed and said that the plane was on auto pilot at the time but laughingly said he couldn't hang his head out the window at 30K feet...

When I think back to those days I often wonder how I ever coped and got myself back together..But that's life I guess and I bet none of the other passengers will ever forget that flight..

Bob..VK3ZL..

[NQ6U]

Attachment 5714

[K7SGJ]

^^^ Ha! However, in some places, that's not considered a problem.

[K7SGJ]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching .........you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Doberman Jesus.

[W5GA]

After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc. Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue he was still talking loudly , when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice:"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!" My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.

[KG4CGC]

[K7SGJ]

Is that the 440vac model? I think it's made by Easyoff.

[KG4CGC]

Is that the 440vac model? I think it's made by Easyoff.

Diesel electric.
Union Pacific and GE.

[NA4BH]

What is that thing, really?

[KG4CGC]

What is that thing, really?

Ask Mr. Owl.
Where da Pope?
Is da Pope in da hizzy?