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Thread: Jokes Yuks Laughs Ha ha and Jocularity Thread

  1. #21
    Anti-Winlink Warlord ki4itv's Avatar
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    spelunking?

    "Bacon, Beans and Limousines"
    "Actually, it's a Democratic Republic; Democratic comes first".
    Please don't confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is obviously me, But my attitude depends largely upon you.

  2. #22
    La Rata Del Desierto K7SGJ's Avatar
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    WHY OLD MEN DON'T GET HIRED!

    Job Interview:

    Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

    Old Man : "Honesty."

    Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

    Old Man : "I don't really give a shit what you think."


    A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory

    RIP ALBI-W3MIV RIP RUSS-W5RB RIP BOB-VK3ZL





  3. #23
    La Rata Del Desierto K7SGJ's Avatar
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    The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
    The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare
    condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the
    pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the
    pressure is to remove the testicles.'

    Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to

    live for.He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the
    hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but
    he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked
    down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He
    could make a new beginning and live a new life.

    He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need...

    A new suit.'

    He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit'.

    The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... Size 44 long.'

    Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

    'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

    Joe tried on the suit it fit
    perfectly.

    As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How

    about a new shirt?'

    Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

    The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and

    16-1/2 neck.'

    Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'

    'Been in the business 60 years.' the tailor said.

    Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

    Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,

    'How about some new underwear?'

    Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'

    The salesman said, 'Let's see... Size 36.

    Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 32 since I was

    18 years old.'

    The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 32. A size

    32 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine
    and give you one hell of a headache.'



    Last edited by K7SGJ; 09-27-2013 at 11:52 AM.
    A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory

    RIP ALBI-W3MIV RIP RUSS-W5RB RIP BOB-VK3ZL





  4. #24
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    I bet she was too!

  5. #25

  6. #26
    SK Member (07/07/2014) VK3ZL's Avatar
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    Bloody priceless Charles....

    I can relate to that situation..

    Many years ago, 1991, I had had more spinal reconstruction surgery and after 3 months in Epworth hospital I was to be transported by air ambulance from Melbourne to Portland hospital for the remainder of my recovery...I was entirely immobile being sandwiched between two fiber glass body casts and couldn't move...If I wanted to crap or pee I had to have the assistance of two nurses who would jack my butt end up and slide the pan under me to catch the result..I had little control of my functions due to the surgery and had to be on the ball when I got the urge..The air ambulance was a Beech Kingair fitted with stretcher facilities and also seating for another 6 passengers plus two nurses..There were a few sitting passengers and me strapped down on the stretcher...About 15 minutes into the flight I suddenly had the urge to unload my bowels and in the situation I was feeling pretty vulnerable especially with the other passengers sitting beside and around me...Anyhow, the nurses being completely professional, grabbed a bed pan, ( silver saddle) and proceeded to jack my arse end up and clear the way for the expected result...Have any of you had to shit up hill with half a dozen people watching? I had become a master at it of course and the result was quite explosive at 30 thousand feet filling the fuselage with most of the day before dinner and breakfast odours...The looks I got from some of the passengers told me how they felt and I was feeling pretty embarrassed...The nurses took the whole episode in their stride though..The pilot came to talk to me when we landed and said that the plane was on auto pilot at the time but laughingly said he couldn't hang his head out the window at 30K feet...

    When I think back to those days I often wonder how I ever coped and got myself back together..But that's life I guess and I bet none of the other passengers will ever forget that flight..

    Bob..VK3ZL..

  7. #27
    "Island Bartender" KG4CGC's Avatar
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    WOW! Once you go through that, I guess there is nothing in life that can phase you.
    Meanwhile, I hope I never have to experience those situations. However, if you take enough fish oil, all anyone will ever know is that someone just shit a halibut.

  8. #28
    La Rata Del Desierto K7SGJ's Avatar
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    Australian Telephone Operator: "G'day mate, Helpline here. What's the problem?"

    Caller: "I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend and she's been stung on her THIGH by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!"

    Australian Telephone Operator: "Bummer!"

    Caller: "Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.


    A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory

    RIP ALBI-W3MIV RIP RUSS-W5RB RIP BOB-VK3ZL





  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by K7SGJ View Post
    Australian Telephone Operator: "G'day mate, Helpline here. What's the problem?"

    Caller: "I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend and she's been stung on her THIGH by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!"

    Australian Telephone Operator: "Bummer!"

    Caller: "Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.

    Jim
    The machine does not isolate us from the great problems of nature but plunges us more deeply into them. - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry



  10. #30
    Pope Carlo l K6BSO's Avatar
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    "A dung beetle rolls his ball into a bar and gets so drunk he falls off his stool."

    Last edited by K6BSO; 04-03-2014 at 10:59 AM.
    All the world’s a stage, but obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.

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