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Thread: Jokes Yuks Laughs Ha ha and Jocularity Thread

  1. #161
    Whacker Knot WØTKX's Avatar
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    "Where would we be without the agitators of the world to attach the electrodes
    of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance?" ~ Professor "Dick" Soloman



  2. #162
    "Island Bartender" KG4CGC's Avatar
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    I’m a big guy, but my fiancé’s female Australian Shepherd always acted dominant around me, and tried to hump my leg on several occasions. So, one day on the back deck of our house, it went at me again. I decided to show her who’s boss. I grabbed her from behind and started humping her. I did this for, I don’t know, 10 seconds.When I looked up, the new neighbors—who’d just bought the house next door, were all standing in the yard holding their cardboard boxes… just watching me. At the moment, I thought, “It will seem odd if I stop now.” So, I kept going and just waved to them casually. They didn’t say a word, and the next week, they put the house back up for sale.

  3. #163
    Whacker Knot WØTKX's Avatar
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    Yuuuuge and Bigly, Dawg.
    "Where would we be without the agitators of the world to attach the electrodes
    of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance?" ~ Professor "Dick" Soloman



  4. #164
    "Usual Suspect" WZ7U's Avatar
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    Woof

    Like that post was...
    Moving on, my posts are not helpful

  5. #165
    Whacker Knot WØTKX's Avatar
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    Well, this IS a thread necromancy...

    "Where would we be without the agitators of the world to attach the electrodes
    of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance?" ~ Professor "Dick" Soloman



  6. #166
    "Island Bartender" KG4CGC's Avatar
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    A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

    The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

    The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

    The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

    The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

    One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

    The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

    "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

    "Hasn't affected my brothers though."


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  8. #168
    'Grumpy old bastid' kb2vxa's Avatar
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    Let's all sing the Monica Song. Anna one anna two... Yummy yummy yummy I've got love in my tummy 'cause I swallowed when I should have spit.
    "The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you."
    Neil deGrasse Tyson

    73 de Warren KB2VXA
    Station powered by atomic energy, operator powered by natural gas.

  9. #169
    "Island Bartender" KG4CGC's Avatar
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    Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!

    Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

    Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500."

    After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested.

    She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

    When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dresses and left.

    As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"

    With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."

    Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

    In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500."

    Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by

    saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

    Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player !!!...


  10. #170
    'Grumpy old bastid' kb2vxa's Avatar
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    There is a track in Floriduh not five miles long, doo duh, doo duh. They don't run all night and not all day, but they greet it when they come this way...... with a hearty Hia Leah!

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    "The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you."
    Neil deGrasse Tyson

    73 de Warren KB2VXA
    Station powered by atomic energy, operator powered by natural gas.

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