I overheard a guy talking to a girl at a music festival. He exclaimed, "Woah, you got so messed up last night. You have a penis tattooed on your back.” She replied with, "Eh, at least it's something I like."
As I was leaving the bathroom I heard a man say, "Urinal conversation is alright as long as the guy doesn't compliment you on your watch."
Overheard at the grocery store yesterday, a man was explaining to his kid that steaks come from cows. The boy says, "Why do they have to kill innocent cows?" and without missing a beat the dad says, "Because there's not a lot of guilty cows running around.”
People trying to hand out bibles on campus. Man: "Would you like a copy of the Old Testament?"
Other guy: "No thanks, I have the new one."
Overheard a 4th grader say, "Issues? He doesn't have issues. He has a subscription!" From the mouths of babes!
A conversation about names shortening and changing ie. Elizabeth to Beth, then it got to confusing ones like Teddy being short for Theodore. Then:
Friend 1: "How do you get Dick from Richard?"
Friend 2: "Take him out on a date first."
One day, when I was 18 years old, I asked my father if I was a mistake:
"Dad am I a mistake?"
Without missing a beat he quipped, "A mistake? You're not a mistake. You're an f-ing tragedy. You can live with a mistake." He then laughs and walks off.
I heard an older gentleman of about 60 say on the phone while walking off the golf course, "I only hit two balls today, and that was when I stepped on a rake."
I was on the street near one of those guys who “spreads” the word of God. He was pointing at a man and shouted, “You sir, are going to hell!"
With a shrug the guy goes, “Nah man, I’m just going to the DMV, you're going to hell for lying.”
"Well, I've taken up enough of your time......... and vice versa."
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