Ever hear the one about the zombie dick?Originally Posted by KJ6BSO
Ever hear the one about the zombie dick?
Funny you should mention that......
A man was preparing to go away on a business trip and decided to buy his wife a rather intimate and personal gift to entertain her while he was away.
He stopped by an adult novelty store and asked the clerk to see some toys.
After being shown various dildos, vibrators, and the like, he stopped the clerk and said, "Enough with these vanilla toys. My wife's tastes are quite varied, what do you have for the more discriminating hedonist?"
The clerk asked him to wait while he went into the storage room. Several minutes later, the clerk came back with a very old, very dusty box. He blew away the dust revealing some very faint gold inlaid script that read "Voodoo Dick."
"What the hell is this?" the husband asked quite irritably
"It's a voodoo dick," the clerk replied, "Just tell it what you want it to do. Only be sure to start by saying 'Voodoo dick' otherwise it'll ignore you."
The husband called bullshit.
"No, seriously.... here, watch," the clerk protested. "Voodoo dick, go knock on the door."
The lid of the box slid back and out hopped a set of cock and balls. It hopped over to the door, knocked three times, then hopped back over and into the box and closed the lid behind it.
Impressed, the husband bought it.
He got home and told the wife how it worked, leaving her with instructions not to hesitate to use it if she got lonely.
The next day, after her husband left, she decided to give it a shot. "Voodoo dick, make love to me"
It gladly obliged. In the throes of passion, she screamed, "Voodoo dick, harder, FASTER!" It started pumping away like a regular ol' Steely Dan.
Orgasm after orgasm, washed over her..... then pleasure turned to agony "Stop, stop, enough!" she screamed. The voodoo dick ignored her.
In a panic, she staggered out the door and got in her car and attempted to make her way to the emergency room.
About halfway there, a cop pulled her over due to her erratic driving.
The officer asked her how many drinks had she had today.
"Officer, please help me!" the woman protested, "I'm not drunk! I've got this voodoo dick stuck in my pussy and it won't stop fucking me!"
The officer snorted and replied, "Lady, I've heard a lot over the years, but this one does it. Ha! Voodoo dick, my ass."
HAAH!
I'm glad that woman got some relief from being stopped by a copper.
Not exactly supernatural BUT...
Her neon mouth with the blinking soft smile
Is nothing but an electric sign
You could say she has an individual style
She's part of a colorful time
Super-sealed lady, chrome-color clothes
She wears 'cause she has no other
But I suppose no one knows
She's a plastic fantastic lover
She's simply irresistible
And she's inflatable
Yeah she's made of silicon
Da beech is inflatable
Yeah she's a real doll
She's made in Taiwan
Can I get an AMEN? Say HALLELUJAH! Y'all come back now, The Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship welcomes y'all back next week and we DO accept credit cards.
"The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you."
Neil deGrasse Tyson
73 de Warren KB2VXA
Station powered by atomic energy, operator powered by natural gas.
Leave it to the Brits to come up with one better:
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/07...mote_intimacy/
"Everyone wants to be an AM Gangsta until it's time to start doing AM Gangsta shit."
The potential haxxor lulz are strong with in this one. Online rape becomes a reality.
No, it's Boehner...
woo woo. woo woo. woo woo.
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