That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes andsomething that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed thekid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab somechange when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyonehas ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the seniorcitizen discount."
I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound ofchange hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he saidcheerfully.
I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrongwith Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began toboil. Old? Me?
I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. Istrode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it infront of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? Atoddler?
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared withutter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.
"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into theignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and triedanother. Still nothing.
That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the backseat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partiallyeaten doughnut on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved tofinally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when Ifelt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growledand churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be
found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back intothe restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth andblack nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world comingto?"
All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At thispoint I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.
Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a younglad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holdingup a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in
My truck by mistake."
I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff likethis all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, Iwas racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told theofficer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. Ihanded her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptlysat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankie.
The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.
Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.
P.S.. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate!!!!!
