Let's ask the new pope...

[AE1PT]

Found floating in a digital stream:
.
I was talking to a guy yesterday, and he was ranting about how awful it was that the president came out in support of gay unions. I asked him why would he give a shit if gays got married, and he said "The Bible says it's wrong." I went back to the house, and looked in the Bible, and found out that Leviticus 18:12 clearly states that homosexuality is a sin. I do, however have some questions for him.

Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans,but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? I would like to sell one of my daughters into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:17, but I'm not sure what would be a fair price to ask. How should I advertise? Craig's List?

Leviticus 5:19-24 clearly states that a man is not allowed to have contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness. The problem is, how does he know when she is? He could try asking, but most women take offense. There must be a secret way to find out. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

Leviticus 11:6-8 states that I can not touch the skin of a dead pig. My question is, can I still play football if I wear gloves? I have other questions regarding the Bible, but these should keep him busy for a while.

[NA4BH]

him.
Leviticus 11:6-8 states that I can not touch the skin of a dead pig. My question is, can I still play football if I wear gloves? I have other questions regarding the Bible, but these should keep him busy for a while.

Your Popeness, what is the ruling? Carlo?

[VE7DCW]

Found floating in a digital stream:
.
I was talking to a guy yesterday, and he was ranting about how awful it was that the president came out in support of gay unions. I asked him why would he give a shit if gays got married, and he said "The Bible says it's wrong." I went back to the house, and looked in the Bible, and found out that Leviticus 18:12 clearly states that homosexuality is a sin. I do, however have some questions for him.

Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans,but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? I would like to sell one of my daughters into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:17, but I'm not sure what would be a fair price to ask. How should I advertise? Craig's List?

Leviticus 5:19-24 clearly states that a man is not allowed to have contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness. The problem is, how does he know when she is? He could try asking, but most women take offense. There must be a secret way to find out. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

Leviticus 11:6-8 states that I can not touch the skin of a dead pig. My question is, can I still play football if I wear gloves? I have other questions regarding the Bible, but these should keep him busy for a while.

I'd trust the word of only the real pope..... Pope Carlo I ......the Island's real guru who can do the voodoo that he....do's
The voice of anyone else is play acting! :yes:

[NA4BH]

AMEN

[NQ6U]

It's very simple: God loves us and wants us to be happy (hence, beer).

Despite what some people would have you believe, the stuff in the Bible is not the word of God, it's the writings of imperfect human beings with prejudices and once-relevant views that no longer hold sway and using it unfiltered to declare what is and isn't proper in the modern era does not make a lot of sense. So:


Marry whomever you want to marry, boff the consenting adult you happen to love. God likes to see humans showing love to each other in any form.

No, you can't own Canadians, Mexicans or anyone else and, no, you can't sell your daughter. You can't even rent her out. God frowns upon slavery.

If a woman is receptive while Flying Bravo, by all means take her up on it if you want. I can't speak with first-hand information on this (being totally celibate, of course, heh heh heh...) but my understanding is that not even Sister Mary Margaret is all that interested in sex during that time anyhow.

Set aside at least one day a week for rest and appreciation of all that God has made for us, but it doesn't matter which one. To God, every day is pretty much the same. She's seen a whole lot of them, after all.

A pig is one of God's creatures too. Touch all you want, dead or alive. If bacon is not a gift from above, then I don't know what is.

I hope that straightens a few things out.

Yours in What's-His-Name,

Pope Carlo l

[VE7DCW]

Pope Carlo's vision is good enough for me.......... one quibble with his otherwise wisedom.... Canadians were never owned by anyone,but perhaps the spelling was wrong ....... some Canadians are owed a lot .... I know I owe some money!:mrgreen:

[N2CHX]

This is posted in R&P and not Rumpus so...

There are verses in I Corinthians and Romans (http://christianteens.about.com/od/whatthebiblesaysabout/a/wbsaHomosexual.htm) that they will use and they will say the OT verses don't matter. Of course, they pick and choose from the NT as well. How many of these fundies still believe women should be silent in the churches (http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/14-34.htm) and wear head coverings (http://bible.org/article/what-head-covering-1-cor-112-16-and-does-it-apply-us-today), cuz all that's in the NT as well, but nowadays conveniently ignored. They'll jump through hoops to forgive divorce and remarriage (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+19%3A9&version=NIV) too, which is also condemned in the NT. It's also the only one of those topics actually condemned by Jesus himself, but how many so-called Christians commit adultery (http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/edn-f004.html) every day of their married lives (http://www.churchoftherock.ca/blog/till-divorce-do-we-part) while condemning gay people for something Jesus never even mentioned, and not see the irony there.

All I can say is, fuck those self-righteous twatrags. Their days are numbered.

[AE1PT]

A pig is one of God's creatures too. Touch all you want, dead or alive. If bacon is not a gift from above, then I don't know what is.

Sooo, does this solve the burning question posed by another thread? Is it OK to bugger a pig?*


*Please limit the answer and any subsequent discussion to the 4 legged variety.

[N2CHX]

This belongs in Rumpus.

[NQ6U]

Sooo, does this solve the burning question posed by another thread? Is it OK to bugger a pig?*


*Please limit the answer and any subsequent discussion to the 4 legged variety.

Yes, but only if the pig gives you it's consent.

—PC l

[W3WN]

< snip >
Leviticus 11:6-8 states that I can not touch the skin of a dead pig. My question is, can I still play football if I wear gloves?
< snip >Oh, that's an easy one.

Since footballs today are actually made out of plastics, and before that leather, no problem.

[W3WN]

Sooo, does this solve the burning question posed by another thread? Is it OK to bugger a pig?*

*Please limit the answer and any subsequent discussion to the 4 legged variety.No. Still trafe.

[KJ3N]

I have other questions regarding the Bible, but these should keep him busy for a while.

My only question to people you have described is, "Why don't you go fuck yourself?"

[WØTKX]

http://farm1.staticflickr.com/11/12224401_5b82db96d5.jpg

[KJ3N]

http://farm1.staticflickr.com/11/12224401_5b82db96d5.jpg

I'm starting to hear banjos....

[W3WN]

My only question to people you have described is, "Why don't you go fuck yourself?"
That commandment isn't in their interpretation of the Bible.

[KG4CGC]

Dear Popus,
If it is Saturday on Easter weekend and I haven't been to confession yet but I'm on a ship in the Pacific near the international date line, is it OK for me to take communion even though I haven't been a Catholic in nearly 40 years?

[NQ6U]

Dear Popus,
If it is Saturday on Easter weekend and I haven't been to confession yet but I'm on a ship in the Pacific near the international date line, is it OK for me to take communion even though I haven't been a Catholic in nearly 40 years?

Nope. God will smite your apostate ass if you try.

—Pope Carlo l

[WØTKX]

http://youtu.be/eey-dDlgjyA


http://youtu.be/eey-dDlgjyA



Water's flowing though my veins
Nothing ever stays the same
Water's flowing down my side
Turn the water into wine

Where's the courage I once had
Where's the strength I once possessed
To stand up tall and face the music
Laughing in the face of death

Here's a boy whose hands are bleeding
Though he's never had a scratch
Glory come and glory be
Water's flowing now at last

CHORUS
Like a bad dream I once had where
Everyone but me knew something
Walking blind through burning fields
Dead brigade is on my heels
They follow me--they follow me

Water's flowing though my veins
Nothing ever stays the same
Flows outside for all to see
Water flows through you and me

Nothing ever stays the same
Water turns to wine again
Drink the wine and eat the wafer
Lash the skin and scream together

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Water's flowing through me
Cut me open--let me bleed
Silence is golden
Shout it out now -- Shout it out now -- Shout

Water's flowing through my veins
Nothing ever stays the same
Through eyes that once were blind with passion
Everything looks soft and grey
Without color or rough edges
Without fire to burn the skin
Without pride and without reason
Water turns to wine again

Water's flowing through my veins
Tell me now it's all the same
Tell me that it doesn't matter
Tell me everything's alright

CHORUS

Water's flowing through my veins
Nothing ever stays the same
Glory come and glory be
Glory come to you and me
Water's flowing through my veins . . .

[N2CHX]

The one time I actually try to make an attempt at a serious response to a religious thread and look where it gets me. See? This is why we can't have nice things. Or something. Pass the pork.

[KG4CGC]

Nope. God will smite your apostate ass if you try.

—Pope Carlo l

Semite.

[KG4CGC]

The one time I actually try to make an attempt at a serious response to a religious thread and look where it gets me. See? This is why we can't have nice things. Or something. Pass the pork.

Is Thursday pork night?

[N2CHX]

Is Thursday pork night?

Well, Friday is Fishy Friday so yeah, I think this is pork night.

[KJ3N]

Dear Popus,
If it is Saturday on Easter weekend and I haven't been to confession yet but I'm on a ship in the Pacific near the international date line, is it OK for me to take communion even though I haven't been a Catholic in nearly 40 years?

Heavy Mystery Time - George Carlin :naughty:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yessvOjnUBA

[KJ3N]

Is Thursday pork night?

Any night I can get the wife to cooperate is pork night. ;) :rofl:

[KG4CGC]

Heavy Mystery Time - George Carlin :naughty:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yessvOjnUBA

You know me so well. :clap::cool2:

[VE7DCW]

Any night I can get the wife to cooperate is pork night. ;) :rofl:

Wow!!! ...that's harsh!! :-|

[W3WN]

Wow!!! ...that's harsh!! :-|Don't worry. KY makes several nice tubes of ointments for that.

[K7SGJ]

Don't worry. KY makes several nice tubes of ointments for that.

It's also available in 55 gallon drums.

[NA4BH]

Which one is yall's favorite?

[K7SGJ]

Tutti-Fruti

[NA4BH]

Mine too. The next flavor will be "Putti-Fruiti".

[K7SGJ]

Mine too. The next flavor will be "Putti-Fruiti".

Yeah, that's the one with pubies in it.

[kb2vxa]

No, that's Pubie Frutti.

[NQ6U]

No, that's Pubie Frutti.

No, you're thinking of Putah-Frutti.

[AE1PT]

This is just disgusting and outrageous. An affront to any sensibilities. I am reporting all of you to the FBI for flagrant public mental masturbation.

Better take a drum of that ass goop with you, cause where you boys are going you will need it.

[KG4CGC]

Fruity Pebbles.

9396

[K7SGJ]

This is just disgusting and outrageous. An affront to any sensibilities. I am reporting all of you to the FBI for flagrant public mental masturbation.

Better take a drum of that ass goop with you, cause where you boys are going you will need it.

Funny (peculiar not ha ha), but the last time I was thrown in the can, I was reading the graffiti on the wall. I came across AE1PT (and it looked like some others came across it as well) and when I said I know him, he's a ham, all the bad asses ran to the other side of the cell, screaming like little girls. How bout that for a coincidence?

[VE7DCW]

Funny (peculiar not ha ha), but the last time I was thrown in the can, I was reading the graffiti on the wall. I came across AE1PT (and it looked like some others came across it as well) and when I said I know him, he's a ham, all the bad asses ran to the other side of the cell, screaming like little girls. How bout that for a coincidence?

I don't know what's the scarier thought Eddie.....knowing about you being thrown in the can or knowing the callsign AE1PT is inscribed as graffiti on the jailhouse walls! :rofl:

[kb2vxa]

The words of the prophets are written on the jailhouse walls, and bathroom stalls. And the monks took a vow... of silence.