Question for cat owners

[kds]

I know you guys have cats, so I have a question for the Island cat owners. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 8 months now, and she has this cat. He's very much a mama's boy. He is about two years old, and neutered. Everything was fine to start out with. He didn't sit on my lap or anything, but he would let me pet him and we would play. At one point, I was cat-sitting for about a week while my girlfriend was out of town, and he was actually very friendly then (obviously because I was the only one around) and he even sat in my lap.

One night, about a month and a half or so ago, me and my girlfriend were sitting on the couch watching TV. I looked down and he was sitting in the corner in front of the TV facing us, looking sad and lonely. I felt bad, so I laid down on the floor by him and started petting him. after a while he stood up and batted at my head with his two front paws. I looked up at him and then he started hissing at me. My girlfriend thought it was weird, since she's never seen him do that.

Now, he has been a little selective on when I can and can not play with him or pet him. I know he doesn't outright hate me, because when I walk in the door he will still usually walk up to me and rub against my legs, and he'll let me play with him.

He has hissed at me on several occasions since then. Ok, so I figure there are times he just doesn't want me to pet him. I am again cat-sitting for my girlfriend while she is out of the country until Sunday. He doesn't seem as affectionate/appreciative of me as last time I cat-sat (although he's been without her only for a day and a half).

Would it be a correct assumption that he is getting jealous? Worried that I'm taking her attention away from him? I suppose I do sleep on "his" side of the bed, and sometimes doesn't sleep with us as much as I think he did in the beginning.

I bring him toys and treats. When I cat-sit I try to feed him when he's around so he can see me providing for him.

What can I do for him to be more friendly towards me? It's a stupid thing for me to be frustrated over, but I feel like she thinks less of me if the cat doesn't like me, like I did something to him that she didn't see. I know that her cat's approval rating of me has no bearing on our relationship, but it still bothers me. It's not like she's going to leave me or vice-versa because her cat doesn't like me.

Does it just take time for him to get used to me being around more, or is this just how it's going to be? I'm more of a dog person so I am not very familiar with how cats work.

[N2CHX]

My first question is, have you come into regular contact with any other animals in the last month and a half since this started happening? An animal with whom you didn't have contact before?

[NA4BH]

It's very simple, YOU PLAYED HIM.

You and him were "buds" hanging out watching TV, drinking milk shakes and eatin' mice and you dumped him for the girl. That's why he's pissed off, it's was a trust thing.

[kds]

My first question is, have you come into regular contact with any other animals in the last month and a half since this started happening? An animal with whom you didn't have contact before?

Nope, no other contact with any other animals since we met.


It's very simple, YOU PLAYED HIM.

You and him were "buds" hanging out watching TV, drinking milk shakes and eatin' mice and you dumped him for the girl. That's why he's pissed off, it's was a trust thing.

Hey, I've got a lot of love to share.

[N2CHX]

It's very simple, YOU PLAYED HIM.

You and him were "buds" hanging out watching TV, drinking milk shakes and eatin' mice and you dumped him for the girl. That's why he's pissed off, it's was a trust thing.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Un_5adiA1VM

[NA4BH]

Sit in the floor and let him come to you. That's the way to make it work. If you pursue him, he will think you are trying to harm him. Do the floor thing and set out some treats near you, move the treats closer each day.

p.s. wear a steel cup while you sleep

[NA4BH]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Un_5adiA1VM


See they even wrote a song about it. Good find

[N2CHX]

Sit in the floor and let him come to you. That's the way to make it work. If you pursue him, he will think you are trying to harm him. Do the floor thing and set out some treats near you, move the treats closer each day.

p.s. wear a steel cup while you sleep

Yep, ignoring him for a while may do the trick. Toss him a treat but other than that, act like he doesn't exist. Unless he comes to you, of course. That's exactly what you want him to do.

[kds]

Thank you for the responses. I will be more aloof. I don't know how these cat things work. Also, cats are assholes.

[n6hcm]

he'll come to you when he's ready. might want to make sure she is continuing to pay kitty adequate attention. they can tell, you know.

[N7YA]

I have 3 of the moody little bastards. I have a different view than some of the other cat folks here. Feed him, play with him using a "stay-back" toy...you know, the stick+string+fuzzy thing on the end of it, and ignore him regularly. Also, dont get on the floor with him, stay above him and show no move toward him until he comes up to you. Also, feel free to talk to him like a person...for some reason, it works. Stuff like "Oh, now you want to be my friend", or "Hey there, stinky ass!"...pet him twice and walk away. Also, they have a thing about hands...let him 'check your ID' (sniff your fingers), pretty much every time...they are weird, and our relationship with them is wholy based on energy and vibe. If you do the above things with a dog, it will mess with his head and he will wonder what he did wrong...cats, they just dont care. Also, feel free to tell him to fuck off from time to time, and go back to what you were doing that didnt involve him at all...chances are, he will be rubbing on your leg soon enough. Trust me, they tell us to fuck off all the time. Cats are all different, some are pure assholes who hide under the bed the entire time you live with them, others are the sweetest thing you ever had the pleasure of knowing (our Persian, Chubbs, for instance). Ive spent most of my life around these weird and wonderful animals...cant get enough of them! :)

I guess i love cats, and they somehow get me...remember, its all about your vibe. Odd as it may sound, be less concerned with what he thinks of you and act more like him.


Good luck.

[N7YA]

Thank you for the responses. I will be more aloof. I don't know how these cat things work. Also, cats are assholes.


I just saw this....i think you are getting it now. Remember, its not personal...they are assholes with the capacity to be really cool and lovable.

[WN9HJW]

Deleted

[N2CHX]

I just saw this....i think you are getting it now. Remember, its not personal...they are assholes with the capacity to be really cool and lovable.

A lot like ham operators, when you think about it. Only a lot more cute in most cases.

[N7YA]

A lot like ham operators, when you think about it. Only a lot more cute in most cases.


Oh, dont get me started!

A baby kitty??? Want to see a 210lb, gruff man turn into a marshmellow? Hand me a baby kitty.

[wa6mhz]

Pusses are very bipolar.

Phoebe will sit there, letting me pet her, purring away. And suddenly, she will HISS and sink her teeth into my arm. It happens almost daily, if not several times a day. She is just a bitch! But I love her still. So we play pretty rough. She has the advantage with her NEEDLE SHARP CLAWS, and often my arms get all sliced up. Sometimes she bites hard enough to give me little puncture wounds. She is a very MEAN cat. But then, she will come over to me and rub up against me. She wants petting and affection. Then the cycle repeats. Cat bites and scratches usually don't hurt too bad. The blood dries up and the wounds heal. What the difference is she sees NO FEAR in me, no matter HOW HARD she bites! I immediately go right back to petting her.

So, unlike PIT BULLS, cat bites are not fatal! Just learn to live with them and let the puss know you are bigger than her and can wrassle with her as much as she wants.

[WØTKX]

Two cats and a pit bull mix at our house. One kitty grew up with the dog. My Maine Coon "Milhous" is the newcomer. He bosses the dog around, and Stevie the kitty gets pissed at that and tells him off, then goes and comforts Boots the Pitty-Girl..

The two humans LOL at the antics. Milhous thinks he's the boss, but he's a big wuss.

Pit Bulls are good doggies, dammit!

[KG4CGC]

Thank you for the responses. I will be more aloof. I don't know how these cat things work. Also, cats are assholes.

Stop. If the cat isn't healthy then none of that stuff will help and may make things worse.
First of all, he may have a problem, physical. Make sure it isn't. Take him to the vet. Cats can get cancers as easily as anything else. Could be another ailment irritating him and if this is the case, he will not want to be touched.
Yes. Cats can be jealous but they can also act out like children do. The problem is that you can't communicate as effectively with a cat as you can with another human. You have to observe and talk for him. ANY environmental changes? You said you have not come in contact with any new animals but do you share a space at work with someone who has? Any new chemicals at work or home? I had one cat that freaked out at the scent of Clorox. Another that hated the tinky tinny sound of silverware rubbing together in a box or drawer.

Cats need you to figure it out. Have any of his toys or areas he allowed to go in changed? He may need some space with you around more often. He may need an area dedicated to him, probably near a window, with steps and things he can bat around and a spot to sit and sleep on. They also need high places. We have several places where they can climb and be near the ceiling while they look down on us with walkways linking them. This is very important.

[WØTKX]

Like Charles and Adam, I've always had an affinity for critters, and cats usually like me right away. They are not like dogs, and are less eager to please... Would rather be pleased. They don't give a crap what you think, at first. But gosh darn it, I love 'em lots.

I suggest a little study at this site... http://jacksongalaxy.com/

[kds]

Stop. If the cat isn't healthy then none of that stuff will help and may make things worse.
First of all, he may have a problem, physical. Make sure it isn't. Take him to the vet. Cats can get cancers as easily as anything else. Could be another ailment irritating him and if this is the case, he will not want to be touched.

If he was ill, his disdain would have been spread more evenly. It's just me.

[KG4CGC]

If he was ill, his disdain would have been spread more evenly. It's just me.

Well then the rest of my post applies. I've been with cats my whole life. Ran a cat ranch for several years.

[NQ6U]

Ran a cat ranch for several years.

How many head of cat did you run?

[WØTKX]

He's not sure, as they are impossible to herd.

[KG4CGC]

There is a joke about someone trying to herd cats that is loosely based on part of my life.

[N8YX]

We have four. Each has a unique personality, ranging from constant companion to Ms. Aloof (who eagerly trots upstairs every morning and jumps on the bed, waiting for me to beat the stuffing out ofplay with her) to Jr. Spasmoid, the kitten with no Off position.

One of these is a Siberian. I thought it was a Maine Coon but this sonovagun is far too temperamental. Ergo, I did some research and found the true nature of the beast.

This thing will flat screw your world up if it has had enough of your "affection" (usually about 15 seconds worth). I'm the Human Chew Toy and after it gets frustrated at not being able to inflict carnage the critter sulks off...usually to the food bowl where I get pestered for treats.

Sit down with something to eat and it's your best buddy.

In all seriousness, I think a lot of present-day behavior is the result of how the cat's former owners treated the thing and convincing the furry chain saw that we're not the Bad People has been a drawn-out process.

Perhaps your girlfriend's cat has similar emotional problems or people memory...but I'm thinking that the territorial bit may play a part too.

At the moment I'm fighting "Wheelie" (who is a spitting image of the cat in Jan's avatar) for control of the keyboard. This thread is of interest to him. He are Supervisor Cat.

[N8YX]

There is a joke about someone trying to herd cats that is loosely based on part of my life.

Protip:

Laser pointer.

Works on dogs too. ;)

[wa6mhz]

My pusses go crazy over laser pens. Only way to get them to run around (except when opening a can of food!) The rest of the day, they just lay on the bed sunning themselves.

[KB3LAZ]

Idk why but every time I go to someones house that has cats, they come to me. They climb all over me, rub up against me and make me pet them. See, if I stop they chew on my fingers until I pet them again. This happens at all of my friends and relatives houses. They all find it strange because they are cat people and say that their cats rather be left alone most of the time rather than be pet for more than a few strokes. However, for some reason, the little critters wont leave me alone.

Personally, I am not really a cat or dog person, I like most animals. Most of them seem to like me too. Maybe it is because I have always been around animals. Cats, dogs, farm animals, snakes, etc. I suppose that they can sense that I like animals.

Hell, I was the type of kid to bring home stranded wild baby animals. My mother hated this so.

My aunt is giving me a gift when I get home. Idk when, that will depend. She raises Husky's and both pili and I like them. The tough part is that I specifically like reds. This may take awhile as they dont seem to pop out as often. Even though both her male and female are red.

Now, I will also get a cat at the same time. So they can grow up together. I love animals. :D

Hell, now that I think about it, for most of my life I have had both a cat and a dog.

[N2CHX]

Protip:

Laser pointer.

Works on dogs too. ;)

If you want to really blow their minds, get one of these:

7903

[N8YX]

If you want to really blow their minds, get one of these:

7903
"My god...it's full of stars!"

[WN9HJW]

Deleted

[N2CHX]

Pixel was a feral I captured. He had been living under an ancient collapsed shed at this place: http://paranormal.about.com/od/hauntedplaces/ig/World-s-Most-Haunted-Place/Rolling-Hills-Asylum.htm

Now this is Pixel:

7907

[kb2vxa]

Pixel, The Cat Who Could Walk Through Walls and guest appearances in a whole Heinlein series. <blert> Reminds me of my Mowser so named because for the longest time she wouldn't shut up. She was The Spy That Came In From The Cold, I dragged her in on the third day of a sleet storm and for several weeks cat sign but no cat. Then one day I saw this little black and white head peeking out from under the couch and I ignored her. Soon enough she cautiously came to me where I was sitting, I petted her and from that moment on she never left my side.

[N2CHX]

Pixel, The Cat Who Could Walk Through Walls and guest appearances in a whole Heinlein series. <blert> Reminds me of my Mowser so named because for the longest time she wouldn't shut up. She was The Spy That Came In From The Cold, I dragged her in on the third day of a sleet storm and for several weeks cat sign but no cat. Then one day I saw this little black and white head peeking out from under the couch and I ignored her. Soon enough she cautiously came to me where I was sitting, I petted her and from that moment on she never left my side.

Aww, cute. Yep, Dan named Pixel. He is a big fan of Heinlein. I was just petting the little guy and he rolled over and exposed his belly. Dan and I were just discussing what his life would be like if we hadn't rescued him from the wreckage of that old shed. He thinks he'd likely be dead by now. He's probably right, and I have the feeling Pixel knows it too. He's a pretty awesome cat and LOVES us humans.

[VE7MGF]

you might try just pushing him over gently to show dominance
the hissing is most likely him dominating you
he only hast to be on his side for a few seconds for him to yield

[WØTKX]

I dunno.

I suggest a little research with Jackson Galaxy.
You have to grok cats, or they won't grok you.

Yea, that's another Heinlein reference.

[kb2vxa]

I believe that one was Strange Cat In A Strange Litter Box.

When Pixel rolls over and exposes his belly it's submission. That's the time to put your hand on his chest and shake side to side lightly, I'll bet he immediately grabs your wrist and mock bites, it's playtime.

I had a slightly different approach to a hissing cat, a light slap across the face and wagging a finger reasserted my dominance. If it had the temerity to hiss again another slap and it got the message and with a sneeze walked away sometimes glancing over its shoulder but generally the body language said "disgusted". In time they learn respect and hissing becomes rare.

[NQ6U]

Sorry, I disagree—never slap a cat. What you should do is scruff them.

[NA4BH]

REMEMBER

When the cat gets done with you, after you slap him, always get your tetanus shot in the arm that's not dominant. And have a good great excuse to justify your actions for your girlfriend. As this will be the last thing you ever say to her. Rehearse it ahead of time (a lot).

Another little tidbit: When getting a finger stick, always use the ring finger on your non-dominate hand.

[n6hcm]

Sorry, I disagree—never slap a cat.

agreed. this doesn't establish dominance--it establishes fear.

[N7YA]

Never hit a cat. Its like hitting a room mate.

[kb2vxa]

You misunderstood, not a hard slap but more like a gentle tap-push like you'd do to a friend while kidding around. It's answering a challenge with superior force, not enough to hurt but just enough to let it know who's boss and won't be intimidated. Oh, there are cats, the non aggressive ones that love to be spun. My kitchen floor being smooth was the perfect spot, Mowser in particular loved it more than catnip. I'd lie her down and put my hand under her shoulders and spin her around for a minute, she got up all wobbly with head going like a bobble head doll. Soon she got her bearings and started rubbing my leg, around she went again and again until it was >I< who had enough, from her point of view it could go on all day.

One other thing, cats usually sleep on the bed, she slept IN the bed. She'd crawl down and turn around with her head just below my shoulder, come morning there was my alarm clock pawing and licking my face. Meow in the morning means FEED ME more or less Audrey 2 style becoming more persistent but cat, FIRST it's the bathroom. Now get out of here and leave me in peace!

[kds]

Alright, so, it's been a while since I've last checked in at the Island (too many other forums and not enough time for any of them), so I thought I'd come back to give an update so you guys know how your advice went.

I'm reporting to you that I moved in with my girlfriend a little over a month ago. Between the time I started this thread and the time I moved in, the cat's attitude hadn't changed. After I moved in, he would hiss at me one to three times a day, always for little stupid things. Like sitting too close to him (only enough room on the couch), him thinking I was following him to where ever he was going, or waking him up from his slumber.

Eventually he realized I've moved in and I'm here to stay, so he might as well get along with me because I'm a nice guy. I didn't do much differently than before, it's like it just clicked with him. Maybe because I let him sleep by my feet every night if he wanted to sleep in bed with us. He hasn't hissed at me in forever, he always wants to play now, he lets me pet him randomly, he "talks" to me a lot, and he hangs out with me in the morning before I go to work. He gets pretty excited when I come home from work every night.

And to sweeten the deal, he laid down in my lap the other night when I was surfing the web on my laptop. I think I've officially been accepted into his family.

http://www.kdsanders.com/media/2013/06/photo2-2-e1370496769855.jpg

[KG4CGC]

This is good to hear. Now, don't break his heart.

[kds]

I forgot to include this funny picture... this is how I would wake up to him in the morning before moving in, just him staring at me with one eye behind a wall in the hallway:

http://www.kdsanders.com/media/2013/06/IMG_20130324_093243-866x650.jpg

[n6hcm]

And to sweeten the deal, he laid down in my lap the other night when I was surfing the web on my laptop. I think I've officially been accepted into his family.


don't feel special--he just knows there's warmth coming out of the keyboard :)

[N7YA]

Sounds to me like you passed the pissy-cat test. We have our cute little persian who is adorable and sweet...until we agreed to watch his brother for a lady who was deployed to Afghanistan. The moment he arrived, both wanted control of the turf and the fights were legendary. We knew we had to endure several days of them seriously kicking each others ass until one or the other broke. One day, while they were hissing and doing the ears-back thing, our Chubbs was being a tough ass but was being distracted by Atticus' flicking tail. It was hilarious, within 10 minutes, they were best of friends. It was like "Come on Bitch!, You want some? Ill kick your....oooh, that looks fun....anyway, Ill light you up! And ill....must....play...with...wiggly...thing!"

It takes time but they come around, especially if you stand your ground. We got a feral cat after Atticus went back home (he was a weirdo anyway, like a slow kid with boundry issues), it was the manly-man act again from Chubbs but the feral is a huge Maine Coon mix, she just wants to eat and chew wires, she doesnt care about territory. Both of our dogs are just trying to make sense of all this...what none of them know is that, in a few weeks, we are heading to Phoenix and picking up an awesome jet black persian from the same lady. Both he and Chubbs have the same dad, this will be interesting!

[N2CHX]

Awwww, that is great. What a cute kitty too.