Monkey haiir

[W5GA]

Monkey humor. A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said that part where hair has grown is called "Monkey" be proud that your monkey has grown hair, the girl smiled. At supper she told her sister " my monkey has grown hair" Her sister smiled and said "that's nothing mine is already eating bananas!". Mom fainted!

[NY4Q]

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

[kb2vxa]

The internet has nothing to do with it, that sort of monkey can't use a typewriter but they love being petted.

[NY4Q]

The internet has nothing to do with it, that sort of monkey can't use a typewriter but they love being petted.

Well dangit, it started out right didn't it -> "We've all heard that a million monkeys banging"

[VE7DCW]

The internet has nothing to do with it, that sort of monkey can't use a typewriter but they love being petted.

Hee... Hee.. He said petted ..... :snicker:

[NY3V]

Don't sweat the petty stuff!

[N2CHX]

Worst joke ever.

[NQ6U]

Worst joke ever.

No, this is the worst joke ever:


A priest, a doctor and an engineer were playing golf together. At the fifth hole they were delayed by the foursome ahead of them who were playing very, very slowly. By the time they were at the tenth hole, they were very aggravated by the slow pace of play and were about to complain when a groundskeeper explained. It seems that the slow players were former firefighters who had been blinded in the line of duty while putting out a fire at the country club's own clubhouse. Since then, they'd been allowed to play for free whenever they wished.

The priest, somewhat abashed by his impatience said "Bless them, I will pray for them tonight."

The doctor said "One of my colleagues is the finest ophthalmologist in the country. I will have him examine them and see if anything can be done."

The engineer said "Why don't they just fucking play at night?

[HUGH]

Is this the jokes department?

My grandfather retired when he was 60 and decided to walk 5 miles every day.

He's 97 now and we have no idea where he is.

[K7SGJ]

Is this the jokes department?

My grandfather retired when he was 60 and decided to walk 5 miles every day.

He's 97 now and we have no idea where he is.

I think I saw him at the mall in Phoenix. Did he have an English accent?

[K7SGJ]

A Husband takes the wife to a disco. There 's a guy on the dance floor giving it large -break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says "it looks like he's still fucking celebrating".

[NY4Q]

Here's one I like.
---
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave-side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played "Amazing Grace" the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, " I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for over twenty years."

[kf0rt]

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

[NA4BH]

Just how fast can a pig travel on a zip line?

[VE7DCW]

Just how fast can a pig travel on a zip line?


"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee wheee Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

**insert picture of Maxwell here** (I don't have one of the little Wheee) :rofl:

[WX7P]

Two brothers were discussing what they got their wives for Christmas. First Brother: "i got my wife a diamond ring and a Cadillac" Second Brother: "A diamond ring AND a Cadillac, Why?" First Brother: "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, she can get in the Cadillac and go exchange it. What did you get your wife?" Second Brother: "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo" First Brother: (aghast) "A pair of slippers and a dildo, why?" Second Brother: "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself"...