I'm Coming Out

[X-Rated]

Well, if you think that I am hard-assed and difficult to get along with, you are correct.

Within the last few months I have found out that my 2 youngest sons (who are adults now at 24 and 25), K1LLA and N8WTF are LGBT. I honestly did not know. They are my kids and they are not comfortable discussing some of the most important values that they hold in their lives with me. Anyway, that really crushed me that they did not share this.

Anyway, K1LLA is becoming Allison. Allison is living with friends in Chicago now. Her roommates include 2 lesbian lovers and a transgender. They are all great kids. We have had great times visiting and having chow together.

N8WTF has always been withdrawn. His BF lives on the internet in FL. We have not yet been introduced. Maybe someday.

I am proud of my 2 kids there. They are bright and energetic and good kids. I wouldn't have them any other way. I would put on some flame retardant clothing at this point, but I deserve all the heat I can get for the way I have apparently been. When I said earlier that I cannot tell, I really wasn't joking. I am just that oblivious.

[KG4CGC]

Wow. A twofer. Well, I hope everything works out for the best for everyone.

[K8LET]

Well one things for sure, you seem like a pretty great parent. Keep it up. Seriously, the part about having chow and hanging out says a lot.

[N8YX]

The important thing to keep in mind, Jerry, is they thought enough of you as a friend/parent to discuss what to them is a fairly private and very serious matter. Good on you - support your kids in whatever they aspire to be. :agree:

[PA5COR]

I am proud of my 2 kids there. They are bright and energetic and good kids. I wouldn't have them any other way.

That is the important part, the rest is fluff.


Thanks for sharing.

[wa6mhz]

I am coming out too! Just as soon as 5PM rolls around, I am COMING OUT of the workplant and going home!

[X-Rated]

Thanks for all of the encouraging words. I feel so bad that they have not been able to talk to me about this. I have a lot of changing to do.

[W5GA]

It's amazing what an epiphany like this tells us about ourselves. No apologies necessary, my friend.

[KC2UGV]

Thanks for all of the encouraging words. I feel so bad that they have not been able to talk to me about this. I have a lot of changing to do.

It's generally tough for kids to talk to their parents about stuff like that. I'm trying to make sure my kids are comfortable discussing the birds and the bees with at least me (Two boys) and the wife if they want.

[NY3V]

Whew!

Thank God.

At least they aren't serial murderers or conservatives. ;)

[KJ3N]

At least they aren't serial murderers or conservatives. ;)

Well, that depends on whether they spent much time in Minneapolis, and are on an ajointing stall basis with a certain GOP senator from Idaho.

(yeah, I'm sure I'll pay for that at some point)

[WX7P]

Jerry:

I can only give you the benefit of my experience (from the K1LLA perspective).

As hard as it is for you, I can guarantee it was harder for Allison to discuss her situation with you, especially at that young age. I was 51 when I told my parents and it was still extremely difficult.

I prepared myself for a complete rejection from them, especially from my father, as they are both liberal Democrats, but very conservative personally. ("What would the neighbors think?"). Telling them was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.

Their reaction was one of complete disbelief and shock. They are both in their 80's and really have no idea about anything LGBT. In our first encounter, my Dad took the stance of trying to talk me out of it! Like I was going to spend my retirement money on a Ferrari! He just couldn't grok the situation at all.

My Mother immediately jumped on the intertubes and educated herself and my father. I had warned her that a lot of T*S people are exhibitionist freaks (see creature from San Diego) but to ignore them and find the "normal" ones. Since then, they both have been extremely supportive, even though they still don't really understand. I told them right out of the box it was nothing they did, it was just nature playing itself out. They still screw up on the name and pronouns occasionally, but after I finally went full time, my father's reaction was "Let's go have lunch". No hesitation about being seen in public with me at all. It has lead to other epiphanies from both of my parents, which I won't disclose here regarding my childhood, that I thought I would never hear from either of them.

The upshot is my being honest about myself with them (finally!) I think lead them to really evaluate their own thought patterns. It has been a tremendous experience overall, and I'm glad it occurred before they passed on. I believe you don't have to "get it", just be as supportive as you can, and I think your relationship with Allison will really blossom.

[X-Rated]

Daniel. They definitely are not Conservatives. Maybe they are serial killers. That would be okay.

Janet. I will never "get it". My parents didn't understand my ham radio lust and desires. I can understand that. But here, I am blessing their needs. I am hurt that I was not approachable enough to have them share this with me years ago. Your words here are informative and comforting though and I appreciate that. I never gave a crap about what the neighbors thought. I think that shows here to you folks as well. I is what I is and if you don't like it, well tough. I know there is no talking out of who someone is. No one really wants to ever go there anyway. That would be nothing but a disaster. The bravery you showed with your parents and the bravery my kids showed to me proves you are all strong personalities.

My relationship with both kids is the same as it ever was from my perspective anyway. I actually have them both staying here this evening. We had a birthday party for Allison tonight at the restaurant and had a great time for her 25th birthday. I have no plans to cut them out of my life and I hope that they keep me in their lives as well.

As we see from San Diego, we don't have to like everyone simply because they are LGBT. We love them for the wonderful human beings that they are. Nothing else matters.

[PA5COR]

^^ Respect!

[KB3LAZ]

I just woke up and was not expecting a thread like this. You really brought tears to my eyes. You are a good man, and a good father.

[W4GPL]

I have a couple of questions.. why the choice of 'The Rumpus Room' to post this?

And how would they feel if they knew you posted this information in such a public fashion? Isn't that really for them to decide? Personally, I'd be troubled & feel violated if my father made a posting like this on an Internet forum. I think you might want to reconsider their right to divulge this kind of information on their own terms. No attempt at concealing their privacy to the point of giving us their call signs? Maybe you have some understanding with them that I'm not aware of, but this is way beyond anything I would share.

Just my two cents, YMMV.

[n6hcm]

Within the last few months I have found out that my 2 youngest sons (who are adults now at 24 and 25), K1LLA and N8WTF are LGBT. I honestly did not know. They are my kids and they are not comfortable discussing some of the most important values that they hold in their lives with me. Anyway, that really crushed me that they did not share this.

you know this crushed them as well. the potential for rejection is what keeps this stuff locked up, and it may not be anything you've done--they see it with their friends and their friends' parents. when i told my stepmom (when i was approximately the same age as your children) the answer i got was "you know, there are bars for people like you." and, you know, that was a victory. this could have gone in all kinds of directions.

these kinds of discussions often wait until the kids are living in their own place--there's nothing worse than making this revelation and having it go poorly only to find yourself thrown out of the house.

[n6hcm]

And how would they feel if they knew you posted this information in such a public fashion? Isn't that really for them to decide?

yes, there is this. this is their news (and not yours). i'd de-identify the data on top to preserve their privacy.

[KB3LAZ]

I have a couple of questions.. why the choice of 'The Rumpus Room' to post this?

And how would they feel if they knew you posted this information in such a public fashion? Isn't that really for them to decide? Personally, I'd be troubled & feel violated if my father made a posting like this on an Internet forum. I think you might want to reconsider their right to divulge this kind of information on their own terms. No attempt at concealing their privacy to the point of giving us their call signs? Maybe you have some understanding with them that I'm not aware of, but this is way beyond anything I would share.

Just my two cents, YMMV.

I understand where you are coming from but in my time here, I believe that we have all shared things about our loved ones in the open that we probably should have masked a little better. I really dont see how this is any different than when people talk about other life decisions their children make without first getting their consent, and this is done often. Private subject matter is private no matter the the topic
yet this is the first time I have seen someone chastised because of it.

Chastised is a strong word, forgive me. Just trying to understand why some private situations should be held in a different regard than others.

[KG4CGC]

I understand where you are coming from but in my time here, I believe that we have all shared things about our loved ones in the open that we probably should have masked a little better. I really dont see how this is any different than when people talk about other life decisions their children make without first getting their consent, and this is done often. Private subject matter is private no matter the the topic
yet this is the first time I have seen someone chastised because of it.

Chastised is a strong word, forgive me. Just trying to understand why some private situations should be held in a different regard than others.

Probably because of discrimination and serial stalkers.

[KB3LAZ]

Probably because of discrimination and serial stalkers.

I thought privacy issues should be held in the same regard at all times. Equality and all. Again, I am not saying that people are wrong and that this should be a private matter but many things should be a private matter and I dont see people say anything about it.

[KG4CGC]

I didn't think about it because I figure Jerry knew where his family stood on the issue at this point. I do wonder about the placement in the Rumpus forum and if that means we're all getting clowned.

[KB3LAZ]

I didn't think about it because I figure Jerry knew where his family stood on the issue at this point. I do wonder about the placement in the Rumpus forum and if that means we're all getting clowned.

I thought about that after it was mentioned as well.

[X-Rated]

1. Why the Rumpus Room? I thought about the hamfest forum since I couldn't find the personal's forum but it landed here.
2. I have nothing to be ashamed about. They are through with being ashamed. I don't care if you say "well, he deserved lgbt kids." I am proud of them. It's not like I am saying that they have some embarrassing disease.

I took Allison to the Joe Walsh concert. I introduced her there to the Duckworth campaign workers as my son, Jason. I was oblivious as to making the reference to the correct manner. She later asked the Dylan if I was ashamed of her. No. I just am new to these methods of etiquette and screwed up.

So what is the right thing to do? Do I wait until she changes her name on qrz? Do I worry about forum Nazis who are very specific about where threads should be posted? It's all up for discussion.

[W4GPL]

I do wonder about the placement in the Rumpus forum and if that means we're all getting clowned.This. It's not about being a forum Nazi, but this particular part of the forum tends to be for jokes, trolling, and other NSFW humor. So given the placement, I had to question the legitimacy.

And no one is saying they have an 'embarrassing disease' :roll: but I don't know that it's your place, even as a father, to share any personal information about themselves that they didn't specifically opt to share with us directly. Like I said, you know your children better, but I'd never expect my father to repeat personal details about myself unless I specifically gave him my blessing.

These are merely my personal observations. I wish you, your sons, and the rest of your family all the best, Jerry. I mean that with the up most sincerity.

[W7XF]

Jerry... just have Allison and Nate join us on the Island...I'm sure Charles can come up with their own rainbow drinks (of course on Pope Carlo's tab).
Not to mention, they would both have common interest friends on here!! Without all the selective moderation that is common "over yonder".

Hang in there, Jerry!!

[N2CHX]

These are merely my personal observations. I wish you, your sons, and the rest of your family all the best, Jerry. I mean that with the up most sincerity.

That'd be son and daughter.

[N2CHX]

This thread in part, inspired me to try to connect with my own father. We haven't spoken in almost five years. Last time I saw him in person, he had a baseball bat and was ready to use it on me. Today was different. Totally different. My father has prostate cancer. He is undergoing chemo. When I arrived, my Mom was hesitant to even let me in the house but I insisted. He didn't even recognize me, but we had a great conversation (no clue who he thought he was talking to, he was sort of out of it). Finally, after two hours I had to go to pick my kids up and I asked him if he knew who I was yet. He still didn't. In the course of conversation he had said more than once that he wanted to stop chemo because he didn't feel like the five years or so of life he might gain from it was worth what he was going through. I asked him if seeing his grandkids again would be a good reason to live, and at that point he figured out who he had been talking to. I told him I thought it was crazy that we had gone five years without speaking and that I missed spending time with him and so did my kids. In the end, we were both crying and my father told me my visit and being able to see his grandkids again made him feel like life was worth living and continuing the chemo. I have honestly never, ever seen my father cry before. My Mom and I were both in disbelief and I cried most of the way home.

I don't really know why I decided to even try going there today, other than every holiday always has me a bit sad because I've missed the closeness I used to have with my family and reading this thread and some of the other stories of acceptance gave me hope. I've tried so many times and hit a brick wall every time. I hadn't even thought about trying to talk to him in over a year. So thank you to everyone here who has shared their stories of acceptance and love for their kids and their fellow LGBT humans. It honestly has helped me personally. The rejection from my family has been a huge source of frustration and mental anguish for me and now that hurt and anguish is gone.

[KC2UGV]

Kelli, I am glad you got to reconnect with a part of your family today. Makes every day I spent fighting for this nation worth it :)

[NA4BH]

My step-brother held his secret for the longest time. During a conversation he "slipped" up and mentioned it. The color went from his face. He was waiting for the big WTF moment, it didn't happen. I asked him if he was happy, he said yes. I told him that we have one more in the family now. That was the start and finish. I met his partner a few months later. We shook hands, hugged and got on with family stuff.

I'm sure it was a huge burden on him to hold that in. Glad he "slipped" up. I'm also glad that your children have that weight lifted off them, now get on with the family and don't look back.

[W4GPL]

That'd be son and daughter.


Within the last few months I have found out that my 2 youngest sonsOk, but his words, not mine.

[N2CHX]

This is a pretty freakin' cool thread.

[n6hcm]

This is a pretty freakin' cool thread.

and for all the right reasons!

[X-Rated]

Ok, but his words, not mine.

It is a lot of work for me. I usually called them by the wrong names. Nay-Jason and Jay-Nathan. Eventually we will see that I will never get it right.

So happy you are in touch with your father, Kelli. I hope the relationship grows to be better than ever.

[K7SGJ]

Kelli, your story about the visit with your family, primarily your Dad, was very heart warming. Sometimes, only time will heal the wounds of the past, and at least, now, you will be able to spend time with him and enjoy him. Your kids will also get to better know their Grandpa, and now, will have a much different memory of him when he is gone. Make the most of the time you all can spend together, it is very special, and you'll never be able to get it back.