Communicating With Family Members

[n2ize]

Is it just me or has anyone noticed that it;s much harder to talk to family members than strangers. When i try to communicate with family members I find one or a combination of the following. Either too impatient to listen, do a very poor job of listening, don't listen at all, do not return communication or respond and/or don't offer any worthwhile response. Any combination of the above or all the above is the usual case.

I find it much easier to communicate with friends, acquaintances, aqnd even total strangers than with family members. I've noticed this phenomenon most of my life.

[WØTKX]

My mom is lost in Glenn Beck land, Dad mutters over the Rosary beads in response.

I can talk to one of my sisters. She's the weirdo artistic one.

[X-Rated]

My sister and I have not spoken to each other in over 6 years. She still lives in Kansas, so that helps.

My wife's father passed on in January. So the girls are all fighting over inheritance. That is fun.

My oldest son recently told me that there was a serious issue that he just told me about in his life 27 years ago when he was 3 that I have not yet addressed.

Freakin insane how impossible it is to talk to family sometimes.

Life goes on, or it doesn't.

[n2ize]

So, I guess I am not alone. Not that I thought I was. One of the biggest and most common complaints I hear from people is how difficult it is to reach family members.

[PA5COR]

Parents dead, i was left to do the job burrying them, told my brother to piss off for the rest of my life and die somewhere faast without i need to know about it and the rest of my side of the family was told to get out of my life and also never to contact me again.

Wife's family is a totally different story though.

[kf0rt]

Parents dead, i was left to do the job burrying them, told my brother to piss off for the rest of my life and die somewhere faast without i need to know about it and the rest of my side of the family was told to get out of my life and also never to contact me again.

Wife's family is a totally different story though.


Jeeesus, Cor. Bet there's a story there.

You guys are starting to make me feel okay. Thanks!

[WØTKX]

Yea, you just have to live with yours.

[NQ6U]

My family is surprisingly normal for having produced a Pope. My mom is the only practicing Catholic among us.

[ki4itv]

Our family has decided to use Facebook as a prophylactic against sudden outburst.
At least there you usually have a minute to take it back before anyone notices.

[KK4AMI]

My family moved to Florida, so we email and phone call once a week. My in-laws live only 60 miles away so I suffer the occasional visit. My Father-n-Law starts with an inspection of my yard. He tells me everything I do wrong (How can I do wrong when I don't do anything?) with my grass and how to fix it. I enjoy his visits so much :irked:

[N7RJD]

I moved far enough away from any family that I really don't hear from any of them anymore. I did hear from a couple of them for the first few years since moving in 1991 but think I finally got the point across as to one of my main motivations in moving.

Of course now I have to deal with in laws and we all know the difference between in laws an outlaws.....Outlaws are wanted. :rofl:

[n2ize]

My mom is lost in Glenn Beck land, Dad mutters over the Rosary beads in response.

I can talk to one of my sisters. She's the weirdo artistic one.

Parents are a whole nother matter entirely. They may either listen or ignore.

[N7YA]

Dad is in prison in Texas, we havent spoken in years. My sisters are both strippers, dont like eachother and are kinda Walmart-ish, so i dont really keep up. My mom is great, but she has her own conversational style that leaves me feeling like an audience member to performance art. I have one cool aunt from my moms side, she is a mysterious and rarely heard from entity. her daughter, my cousin, is cool, but she married a top executive and became a bit of a rich wife. My moms other sister is a gypsy, so are her kids, my other cousins...i want nothing to do with them as they are all thieves and criminals with weird, incestuous habits and addictions. No thanks! My grandparents from my moms side...grandfather, never met him. WWII Marine vet who was one of only 3 men to survive the original mapping of Papua New Guinea, fighting Japanese, Cannibals, hostile wildlife, disease and being abandoned by the US military...he was all fucked up. Drank too much, forced his daughters to be Marine recruits and live like jarheads in boot camp. When my mom got married and moved away, he disowned her and me. So whatever. His wife, my grandmother, i only talked to one time, it was awkward and short and couldnt end soon enough.

My grandmother from my dads side was cool as hell! She graduated with a nursing degree in her 60's, worked in a big, scary old mental hospital in Boston. Freaked me out when i went there, she was gruff, hearty and had a sense of humor...told me i was going to be left there (i wasnt). Grandfather died when my dad was very young, but apparently he was quite the hobnobber in Boston/Cape Cod starlet scene. My dad was a fucked up individual. His sister is a cold, mean woman, my cousins i havent talked to since Grandma died in the early 90's. Not in a hurry to build that bridge again.

Basically, i only keep in contact with my mom from time to time, my aunt (her sister) less than that but its always great, my rich cousin on FB every so often...and thats about it.

My wife is a mystery, but in the very real sense. She has absolutely NO family, no trace of where she came from and no idea what her heritage is. By all accounts and appearance, she is Polynesian...definately an Islander. She has an interesting story, but a tragic one. I will leave her story at that out of respect to her.

All i have are the above people, my son, a few friends and a LOT of aquaintances i have little to no obligation to...thats it, and thats how i like it. We are moving to Maine to get further away from people in general and i look forward to that day, everyday.


...but you guys are cool. :-D

[kf0rt]

I'm shocked, Adam.

A family where the bass player is the normal guy?

[KC2UGV]

My family can sometimes be a bunch of asses (But, whose isn't, amirite?); but we always make up over a case of beers. Wife's family? We have a select couple we talk to, the rest can GDIAF. Literally, I hope quite a few members of her family burn in a fire alive, or get buried alive. They are the most despicable examples of human life one can find.

The majority are just harmless idiots, who seem to think god fixes everything, even teh gay. A few are fanatical nutjobs, who would prefer to abandon the needs of their children, and funnel hundreds of dollars a month to their churches, while their children wear rags, and eat scraps.

[N2CHX]

Nope, you're not out of the ordinary!

My father hates me and the feeling is mutual. We got along for about 10 minutes for my entire life. We haven't spoken in 4 years, except when I have called to talk to my Mom and he thinks I'm my sister, who happens to be his pet. I've taken advantage of that once or twice. :evil:

My Mom and I are OK, but she has to live with my father and his anger fits and childish attitude, so we don't talk too often and I never go to the house. Last time I visited her, my father came at me with a baseball bat, cuz, you know, he's such a good Christian man and a loving father. This is the guy who picked up my then 3 year old daughter by one arm, ripped a plastic lantern out of her hands and threw her to the floor because she was holding his precious lantern and didn't put it down within 3 seconds when he told her to. Gawd I wish they had divorced when I was 13 like they almost did.

My second oldest sister lives next door to my parents and I don't ever talk to her. She's a fundy Christian who judges everyone, even though she divorced, had a kid out of wedlock that gave up for adoption, with a guy she was cheating on her ex-husband with, and then re-married to a drunk who has been in and out of jail for abusing her and my niece. And she judges me for my life, lol! I still talk to her first husband though, who lives not far from me and is the ham operator partially responsible for getting me my license. He's a pretty cool guy.

My oldest sister and I used to get along, but she wrote the rest of the family off 12 years ago. She recently stopped talking to me because -- get this -- I dumped a couple of her friends off of facebook. Not kidding.

My family is so stupid.

[X-Rated]

Nope, you're not out of the ordinary!

My father hates me and the feeling is mutual. We got along for about 10 minutes for my entire life. We haven't spoken in 4 years, except when I have called to talk to my Mom and he thinks I'm my sister, who happens to be his pet. I've taken advantage of that once or twice. :evil:

My Mom and I are OK, but she has to live with my father and his anger fits and childish attitude, so we don't talk too often and I never go to the house. Last time I visited her, my father came at me with a baseball bat, cuz, you know, he's such a good Christian man and a loving father. This is the guy who picked up my then 3 year old daughter by one arm, ripped a plastic lantern out of her hands and threw her to the floor because she was holding his precious lantern and didn't put it down within 3 seconds when he told her to. Gawd I wish they had divorced when I was 13 like they almost did.

My second oldest sister lives next door to my parents and I don't ever talk to her. She's a fundy Christian who judges everyone, even though she divorced, had a kid out of wedlock that gave up for adoption, with a guy she was cheating on her ex-husband with, and then re-married to a drunk who has been in and out of jail for abusing her and my niece. And she judges me for my life, lol! I still talk to her first husband though, who lives not far from me and is the ham operator partially responsible for getting me my license. He's a pretty cool guy.

My oldest sister and I used to get along, but she wrote the rest of the family off 12 years ago. She recently stopped talking to me because -- get this -- I dumped a couple of her friends off of facebook. Not kidding.

My family is so stupid.

See what happens when you dump me off Facebook? Not good things.

[KB3LAZ]

A majority of my family would be considered a plague. Not all, but most. The feed of of one another as well as other people like parasites. My mother and my one aunt are the only sane ones of my grandfathers children. Two are leeches and the other is really self destructive. The grandchildren (my generation) are rather mixed. Funny enough most of the ones with the leech like parents turned out to be rather productive where as those with the self sustaining parents turned out to be leeches...go figure. There are ofc those that do not fit the template and those that are in the middle.

That is just a portion of the family however. A lot of my family are the type of people that I would never associate with or tolerate. For the most part I am a rather tolerant person but absolute ignorance is one thing I can not stand. There are a lot of bigoted hateful people on that side of my family, sad to say.

Now when it comes to the religious aspect, that really does not bother me from those of my relatives that are moderate. But I can surely understand where Corey is coming from. I have one sector of my family that are born again. These are the most bigoted, hateful, hypocrites I have ever had the misfortune to meet.

[N2CHX]

See what happens when you dump me off Facebook? Not good things.

You're much more likable on here than on FB :snicker:

[X-Rated]

You're much more likable on here than on FB :snicker:

The XYL isn't here. I have a reputation and all to prove there.

[KB3LAZ]

The XYL isn't here. I have a reputation and all to prove there.

My XYL is going to marry me knowing my reputation already. Lol. Though she is not on this site she does often ask me "what is that you are reading". She is always interested until the topic is radios. Lol.

[ki4itv]

I'm shocked, Adam.

A family where the bass player is the normal guy?

Yea, are you sure your not really a frustrated keyboard player? :rofl:

[N2CHX]

The XYL isn't here. I have a reputation and all to prove there.

LOL. I can't even remember why I dropped you off FB now. I still like you.

[WØTKX]

I don't twitter at all, and on FB, I mostly listen/observe.

Kind of like the way I do Ham Radio. :lol:

[KB3LAZ]

I don't twitter at all, and on FB, I mostly listen/observe.

Kind of like the way I do Ham Radio. :lol:

Ditto.

[X-Rated]

My XYL is going to marry me knowing my reputation already. Lol. Though she is not on this site she does often ask me "what is that you are reading". She is always interested until the topic is radios. Lol.

I have so many dark secrets that she has no idea about, and I share them all here. Like, uh,... well, like I would like the ARRL to start using 30M as a contest band. I have dreams that the FCC would open up 25kHz more to the south of 7.000MHz. These are things I have not told her because I am afraid of how it would affect our relationship. If she would ever find out, I am certain my whole world would change in an instant.

[KB3LAZ]

I have so many dark secrets that she has no idea about, and I share them all here. Like, uh,... well, like I would like the ARRL to start using 30M as a contest band. I have dreams that the FCC would open up 25kHz more to the south of 7.000MHz. These are things I have not told her because I am afraid of how it would affect our relationship. If she would ever find out, I am certain my whole world would change in an instant.

Lmao.

[N2RJ]

Like, uh,... well, like I would like the ARRL to start using 30M as a contest band.

That may never be possible. We don't have exclusive use of 30m and share it with other services. Contest QRM would probably be the quickest way to remove ourselves from that band.

[NQ6U]

That may never be possible. We don't have exclusive use of 30m and share it with other services. Contest QRM would probably be the quickest way to remove ourselves from that band.

Hear that whooshing sound? That was the joke going right over your head.

[N2RJ]

Hear that whooshing sound? That was the joke going right over your head.

Well it was Jerry's joke. So it was so bad I didn't even realize. :)

[W3WN]

So, I guess I am not alone. Not that I thought I was. One of the biggest and most common complaints I hear from people is how difficult it is to reach family members.My older sister essentially disowned me when I married the first time; bad enough I married a shiksa, but she was Southern Baptist. I was forgiven after the divorce... and then I went and married another shiksa, this time a Roman Catholic. Now, you'd think that (in her eyes) that would be a step up, but nooooooo... I'm once again beyond the pale.

She even lied to my mother & didn't invite us to her kid's weddings a couple of years ago. I found out later that the family kept asking about me & where we were, but got conflicting answers (except to imply that it was all my fault, of course)

Doesn't bother me too much for my own sake... I really don't care anymore (& I'm not entirely surprised, she pulled the same stunt on my cousin when HE got married over 30 years ago). But my daughter has never met her cousins (OK, once when she was 3, but she doesn't remember too much from that, obviously!), knows nothing of them, and wonders why she has a whole extended family on her mother's side, and basically bupkus on mine -- like it's her fault, though it's not.

THAT I won't forgive my sister for.

[W3WN]

I have so many dark secrets that she has no idea about, and I share them all here. Like, uh,... well, like I would like the ARRL to start using 30M as a contest band. I have dreams that the FCC would open up 25kHz more to the south of 7.000MHz. These are things I have not told her because I am afraid of how it would affect our relationship. If she would ever find out, I am certain my whole world would change in an instant. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[X-Rated]

Well it was Jerry's joke. So it was so bad I didn't even realize. :)

http://www.eham.net/articles/22888

I do like your jokes, however. But many here do not realize that amateur radio was secondary in the 160M band until the 80's after the LORAN A was removed. However the, LOL, where was I? Oh yeah, you are killing me. The 160M contest was taking place in 1970.

So, LOL, the concept that 30M cannot be approved for contests because it is secondary to amateurs is like, LOL, funny.

High larry us.

[W3WN]

30, 17, and 12 meters came along many, many moons after the traditional HF amateur bands had been established; over 35 years between the time we got 15 meters & the 1979 WARC that opened those band segments up to us.

We didn't get those three bands all at once. It took over 10 years, and had to wait for displaced users to relocate elsewhere. And some got them earlier than others, or with more (or less) restrictions that what is seen in the US.

So the mere thought of contesting on those bands was anathema, since the investment to setting up a contest-competitive station to cover any one would be a major investment with limited return for a long time. Therefore, amongst many other reasons, a decision was made by the sponsors of certain major international contests to initially exclude the bands, so that no one would have an unfair advantage over others. (Again, that wasn't the ONLY reason, but it WAS one of the reasons)

And over time, even as access to the bands became more widespread, the thought of expanding contests to those segments, for most, remained anathema. Certainly the idea of a "no-contest band" didn't hurt. That said, it is now so ingrained that these are "contest free" bands that anytime someone even MENTIONS the mere thought of doing a contest on any of them, there's a large number of people breaking out the pitchforks, warming up the barrel of tar, plucking goose feathers, and checking to see if the railroad track still leads out of town, if you catch my drift.

[X-Rated]

...
Doesn't bother me too much for my own sake... I really don't care anymore (& I'm not entirely surprised, she pulled the same stunt on my cousin when HE got married over 30 years ago). But my daughter has never met her cousins (OK, once when she was 3, but she doesn't remember too much from that, obviously!), knows nothing of them, and wonders why she has a whole extended family on her mother's side, and basically bupkus on mine -- like it's her fault, though it's not.

THAT I won't forgive my sister for.

Seriously Ron.

Everyone can say, "Don't let it bother you", and you can tell yourself that it doesn't, but it always does. I don't know what to say except to not let it bother you. And that doesn't help.

I think this is why talking to relatives is so difficult. We want our relationship to be as best friends and we have to walk on eggshells to make that happen if it happens at all. The other person has it in their mind that you are holding up the relationship because of who you married and you are thinking that they are holding up the relationship because of their personal decision.

With my sister, I hate her bitchiness. When I held some personal property for her for 6 years, she wanted it back. I didn't want it. So I sent it back to her. She didn't even open it when she called and bitched me out. the box was damaged. We packed everything so nothing would be damaged on the inside. To this day, I have no idea if anything was damaged on the inside. I doubt it ever was. It was a point of contention she could use against me to try to make me feel like crap. The usual agenda people come up with where they try to make an issue out of something that is only true in the apparent world and not in reality. I didn't ask her for anything. I didn't take something that wasn't hers. I didn't tell anyone in the family that she was crap for being this way as she did to me. She simply said that she did not want to be related to me after this expecting for me to grovel, and I did not. To be honest, I was hoping to not have anything to do with her anyway. I felt like I hit the casino jackpot when she said she didn't want to have anything to do with me after I did not fail her in a favor she asked of me which spanned years.

Since then, she has missed out on my grandkids (ages 5 and 3). She has not met my son's wife. She has not been filled in on anything. I could not care less bout what she has done or not done. People who hate me for who I am or for favors I have done for them.

Our parents are dead now. Mom died in 1996 and Dad died in 2003. On my Dad's side of the family, his sisters are all dead now as well. His oldest sister was born in 1907 and his next sister was born in 1909 and he was born in 1912 and his baby sister was born in 1915. They died in the opposite order. But everyone is so old on that side of the family, they never bonded with me much. I talked to one of my cousins a few weeks ago and she could hardly remember the last time we met. She and her husband know their days are numbered. The family on my mom's side I speak with once in a while. They are very judgmental.

I just do what I can and go on.