Limericks, anyone?

[W3WN]

I'm going to take a chance here and appeal to the more creative side of those of us on the beach.

How are you at writing limericks?

Here's why: Anyone who's been around awhile will remember when Rod Newkirk W9BRD was the DX editor for QST. More or less annually, he had a story about the annual meeting of the DX Hoggery & Poetry Depreciation Society, in which some deserving lid met his well-earned demise. During the course of the story, members of the audience themselves hurled pithy radio-related limericks at the miscreant... which also usual ended with their own demise.

Now, for a few years, I tried to run a simiilar rendering of the annual "meeting" of the local DXH&PDS chapter in my April newsletter, both as a humor article, and as a "tip of the hat" to Rod. (And in case anyone was wondering, Rod was aware of it and told me he enjoyed the copies I sent him). Problem is... I can write the story. But limericks? That's a lot tougher.

So I'm appealing to the multitude for help.

Now there are a few simple rules...
-- First, they have to be amateur radio related.
-- Second, they have to be "clean". It is a family-oriented club newsletter. While I enjoy a good double-entendre as much as the next guy, if they're crude or worse, I can't use them.
-- Third, they have to be humorous. I know that sounds pretty obvious, but I have to say it.
-- Fourth... they, it have to be "generic", that is to say, no personal attacks. The last time I tried this, I had someone send me a half dozen limericks... all of which were nasty odes against some well-known miscreants, like K1MAN and such. Not only were they not funny, but had I used any of them, I'd have opened myself up to a libel suit... yes, they were that nasty.
-- And fifth... they have to be original. I don't want to regurgitate something that's been floating around for years.

Now, any limericks that are used, will be credited in the text of the story to the author. As the story usually goes, the person shouting out the limerick will be dodging debris or demise immediately thereafter, so if you have a favorite method of fictionally exiting the scene, just let me know. It could be something old-fashioned (wouff hong, rettysnitch, lynching, etc.) or something original. I do reserve the right to modify the demise appropriately, of course.

I'd like to do this for the April newsletter, so I have until the end of the month to gather items.

Any help out there?

[NQ6U]

-- Second, they have to be "clean". It is a family-oriented club newsletter.

Damn, that leaves me out. I can only write dirty limericks.



There was a young ham from Nantucket...

[kf0rt]

There was once a young lass from the lake
Had an R4 that was made by Drake
When the static would crash
She'd grab some wood ash
And head for the kitchen to bake cake

(C'mon, sing along!)

[kf0rt]

I once knew an old ham named Joe
Had an even older dog named Mo
Mo peed on the tower
When it was full of power
Now there's no Mo, no mo

[WØTKX]

A group of Hams called Possum
Some call them quite rotten,
Bet let it be said,
They are not dead,
Just forced to QSY quite often.

(a little liberty with the rhyme ;) )

[ki4itv]

So I got this new ham-a-bout
Whenever I type, I pout
My home is the Zed
I'm crazy in the head
And they'll never, I mean never, throw me out.
;)

[K7SGJ]

I once knew a cute desert flower
Who knew that I wanted to wow her
She started to beam
Or so it would seem
Every time I showed her my tower

[K7SGJ]

There once was a ham name of Chuckles
Who most hams would say is a schmuckles
Thinks Winlink and Pactor
Are a radio disaster
He needs a good rap with brass knuckles

[ki4itv]

So we're not very good at following directions...
Ron, you may have to cull through these just the tiniest bit. ;)

[WØTKX]

Spoilsport! :neener:

[K7SGJ]

So we're not very good at following directions...
Ron, you may have to cull through these just the tiniest bit. ;)


Ahem, I never identified any one specifically. Besides, it's for Island use only.

But....................On the other hand

Beware of a dog ham named Dash
His tails are epic, he's a smash
Kay One Enn Ess Ess
Writes with skill and finesse
It earns him a boatload of cash



Better?

[ki4itv]

Oh, I wasn't judging...just had a flash of seriousness.
It passed.

[K7SGJ]

Oh, I wasn't judging...just had a flash of seriousness.
It passed.

So did my breakfast. Really. No shit :-D

[kf0rt]

Something... something... Longfellow... something...

[HUGH]

Clean ones are hard to think of but I remember just one:

There was a young fellow called Paul
Who was so exceedingly tall
That when in bed at night
He could switch out the light
By wiggling his toes in the hall.

[KK4AMI]

There was once an old Elmer named Bill
With his amateur radio hobby, the hours he'd fill
One day, he lamented his shaky old tower over the air
His XYL overheard this and muttered in despair
You don't need a new tower, just a little blue pill.

Needs work, I know!

[HUGH]

There was a young man called O'Flynn
Who was so exceeding thin
That when he essayed
To drink lemonade
He slipped down the straw and fell in.

There was a young man from Devizes
Whose ears were of different sizes
One was so small
It was no use at all
And the other was large and won prizes.

[W3WN]

Clean ones are hard to think of but I remember just one:

There was a young fellow called Paul
Who was so exceedingly tall
That when in bed at night
He could switch out the light
By wiggling his toes in the hall.
There was a young man called O'Flynn
Who was so exceeding thin
That when he essayed
To drink lemonade
He slipped down the straw and fell in.

There was a young man from Devizes
Whose ears were of different sizes
One was so small
It was no use at all
And the other was large and won prizes.Very nice, but without a radio connection...

[kb2vxa]

There was a young ham called Paul
Who was so exceedingly tall
When he went to bed at night
He could blink the light
With the key in his shack down the hall.

There, that better? I'll bet he won the left foot contest too.

[ab1ga]

I loved those Newkirk articles, and fondly remember reading about the white-hot rettysnitch finding its mark.

But if I may make one suggestion: 'BRDs DXH&PDS meetings usually focused on a narrow topic, like the use of excessive power, or the change from using cps to Hz. It might help if you were to post some of the article topics you're thinking about to better focus our efforts.

73,

[KG4CGC]

Lime Rick from over a year ago.
http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-12-02/story/fort-frederica-plans-lime-rick-burn-celebration
Lime Rick's, a great bar name.

[W3WN]

There was a young ham called Paul
Who was so exceedingly tall
When he went to bed at night
He could blink the light
With the key in his shack down the hall.

There, that better? I'll bet he won the left foot contest too.Better. I was thinking of some way to, instead of blinking the light, keying the rig (QLF?) directly.

[W3WN]

I loved those Newkirk articles, and fondly remember reading about the white-hot rettysnitch finding its mark.

But if I may make one suggestion: 'BRDs DXH&PDS meetings usually focused on a narrow topic, like the use of excessive power, or the change from using cps to Hz. It might help if you were to post some of the article topics you're thinking about to better focus our efforts.

73,I'm open to suggestions. I'm thinking of a narrow-minded lid who insists that only one style of digital operations should be allowed, or a frequency cop who believes that certain frequencies are owned by certain nets, and woe be it to anyone who thinks otherwise.

In addition, I'm considering the venue for the, er, meeting. Last time I wrote this, which has been quite awhile, I had the meeting "moved up" to take place in 3 Rivers Stadium, the morning it was to be blown up. And of course, the Lid of Dishonor was left behind to meet the same fate as the stadium. At present, the Civic Arena is partially demolished (they're dropping the ceiling dome petals one at a time) but still standing... can you say "squash!" ?? But if I can't come up with a good excuse, er, story, the meeting will take place at the usual venue, Paul Long Hall.

[Yes, the traditional DXH&PDS meeting took place at Long Hall. Paul Long was a very popular & distinguished local newscaster for WTAE-TV, who became a SK quite a few years back, so this was a small token to honor his memory. I need to figure out a way to do the same for Bill & Patty Burns (father & daughter, both worked at KDKA-TV), especially if (with Bill Burns) it involves winged rats, er, pigeons...]

Anyway, as I recall, the limericks did not neccesarily correlate to the Lid of Dishonor.

And there are other ways... for example, one year, I used a haiku, and then had the "audience" shout down & demolish the "poet" for not using a limerick.

[ab1ga]

...
Anyway, as I recall, the limericks did not neccesarily correlate to the Lid of Dishonor.

And there are other ways... for example, one year, I used a haiku, and then had the "audience" shout down & demolish the "poet" for not using a limerick.


I'll have to check up on the correlation; the one I remembered had to do with QRO operating.
The bit about the haiku was inspired, I wholly approve.

Some suggestions off the top of my head:

Shortest time elapsed from upgrade to General to time one says "I need an amp"
Operating DX from countries without solid ground. (Arctic ice floes, anchored in place)
"Five easy frequencies", on the trials of getting used to the 60m band. (Buy five rigs, work the whole band at once!)
Ham dies at dinner table while rig earns 5BDXCC using JT65
The DX Ragchew - a contest favorite
"Messin' with the Bounce" - on HAARP and other molestation of the ionosphere
LoTW hacking and award fraud
Extreme work-em-first - getting to the top of honor roll by toppling weak regimes.

73,

[NQ6U]

There was a young ham from Nantucket
Who dropped his hand mike in a bucket
People started to say
You sound better that way
He said so does Nantucket, fine business.

[W3WN]

I'll have to check up on the correlation; the one I remembered had to do with QRO operating.
The bit about the haiku was inspired, I wholly approve.

Some suggestions off the top of my head:

Shortest time elapsed from upgrade to General to time one says "I need an amp"
Operating DX from countries without solid ground. (Arctic ice floes, anchored in place)
"Five easy frequencies", on the trials of getting used to the 60m band. (Buy five rigs, work the whole band at once!)
Ham dies at dinner table while rig earns 5BDXCC using JT65
The DX Ragchew - a contest favorite
"Messin' with the Bounce" - on HAARP and other molestation of the ionosphere
LoTW hacking and award fraud
Extreme work-em-first - getting to the top of honor roll by toppling weak regimes.

73,Oh, I think I'll pass on that one. My "buddy" Gert K5WW would take it very personally... since he's the only person I know of who's publicly admitted to fradulently acquiring a WAS via LotW. But some of these are inspired.

And, of course, the lid can simply be a bragging hot bag of wind who makes multiple claims... I believe that Rod did that once or twice.

[W3WN]

There was a young ham from Nantucket
Who dropped his hand mike in a bucket
People started to say
You sound better that way
He said so does Nantucket, fine business.

I think we have here a weiner.

So, how do you want your fictional persona to perish?

Considering a comedy group we both admire, I think something should stop on a dime... which is, unfortunately, still in your pocket...

[kb2vxa]

"Better. I was thinking of some way to, instead of blinking the light, keying the rig (QLF?) directly."
I nearly burned out my brain trying to make that rhyme, so think kilowatt amp plugged into a 115V wall socket.

Oh, if you think we have a wiener put it in the tank coil so we can have a hot dog.

[W3WN]

"Better. I was thinking of some way to, instead of blinking the light, keying the rig (QLF?) directly."
I nearly burned out my brain trying to make that rhyme, so think kilowatt amp plugged into a 115V wall socket.

Oh, if you think we have a wiener put it in the tank coil so we can have a hot dog.I'll come up with something on those lines.