Grandma's Macaroni Salad

[N3ATS]

This should be prepared 24 hours in advance. If you do not do this, or deviate from the ingredients or instructions, you may as well buy your macaroni salad from a store.


INGREDIENTS

1 one pound box of Mueller's elbow macaroni.
1 green pepper.
2 cups Hellman's Mayonnaise (Best Foods brand west of the Rockies).
1 cup white vinegar.
1 Tablespoon of olive oil.


DIRECTIONS

1. Wash pepper and cut in half to remove all seeds and white parts. Cut into small diced cubes less than 1/4", and refrigerate. for one hour.

Did you get all the seeds and white parts out of the pepper?


2. Bring a large pot of cold water to a boil and add one tablespoon of olive oil.

ALWAYS bring the water to a boil FIRST, and use oil to prevent the pasta from sticking.


3. Pour in entire box of elbow macaroni, stirring often.

You did wait until the water was boiling, right?


4. Cook macaroni for approximately 10 minutes or until elbows are full and plump.

Did you overcook the pasta? Throw it out and start over. Seriously.


5. Drain macaroni well, and rinse. Drain again and refrigerate for at least one hour.

Did you drain the cooked pasta well? You better have, no one wants soggy salad.


6. Add 2 cups of Hellman's Mayonnaise.

Did you use Hellman's? You better have. It is the only real mayonnaise available.
Kraft sucks and if you use Miracle Whip or similar on anything you should be banned from the kitchen.


7. Add 1 cup of white vinegar.

If you fouled this up, take up stamp collecting.


8. Add the diced pepper.

Make sure the pepper pieces aren't stuck together in clumps. Double check for seeds.


9. Combine mixture until all ingredients are evenly distributed.

Mix well. Did you? Are you sure? Mix it some more.


10. Mix thoroughly. Add additional mayonnaise if needed until salad is creamy, but not soggy!

This is where most people screw up. You have to "hear" the proper mixture while you're stirring. You'll get it.


11. Refrigerate for 24 hours.

This is important. In order for the pasta to absorb the taste of the peppers and vinegar you HAVE to let it "cure".
If you're not willing to do this, buy your salad at the store.



Taste macaroni salad. Add additional mayonnaise and vinegar for proper taste. Salad should be creamy with a tang of vinegar.

EAT!

[WV6Z]

2 cups Hellman's Mayonnaise (Best Foods brand west of the Rockies).

Do you think it would be okay for me to substitute some 'real' mayo?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duke%27s_Mayonnaise

[kc7jty]

2 cups Hellman's Mayonnaise (Best Foods brand west of the Rockies).

Do you think it would be okay for me to substitute some 'real' mayo?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duke%27s_Mayonnaise
Yeah...RIGHT, like they had fluckin soybean oil in 1917.
and.......it IS Best Foods in the west. I have a jar of it here in pa I brought from Idaho.

oh, and I know this will piss youze guy's goat, I don't knowingly buy ANYTHING from KRAFT!

[WV6Z]

2 cups Hellman's Mayonnaise (Best Foods brand west of the Rockies).

Do you think it would be okay for me to substitute some 'real' mayo?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duke%27s_Mayonnaise
Yeah...RIGHT, like they had fluckin soybean oil in 1917.
and.......it IS Best Foods in the west. I have a jar of it here in pa I brought from Idaho.

oh, and I know this will piss youze guy's goat, I don't knowingly buy ANYTHING from KRAFT!

Me either, or anything but Duke's mayo. ;)

As far a fluckin soybean oil goes, It's been in your US & A since 1765 and it is quite likely, as it was not used as a 'food' until the early 1900's, which, as there was nothing here but cotton, tobacco and soy beans, one of the first uses of it in a food. I'll be glad to tell them they are liars for you, JTY, or send you a jar of Duke's, at my expense, so you can throw out that s#it that you eat and call mayo if you like. Just say the word.

I too, was a pathetic Hellmann’s or Kraft user, for a good 30+ years until I found out what real mayo was supposed to taste like. Now, if Duke's is not available, I do without and would never soil my palette with crap like Kraft or Hellmann's. If you can't eat your mayo out of the jar by the spoonful, why the hell would you eat it in the first place?

[N3ATS]

2 cups Hellman's Mayonnaise (Best Foods brand west of the Rockies).

Do you think it would be okay for me to substitute some 'real' mayo?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duke%27s_Mayonnaise

I never tried that stuff. How does it compare in taste to Hellman's?

[WV6Z]

I will send you a jar if you like Steve, with the following disclaimer,
The first one including shipping is on me. All future shipments will be made following covering the the cost of the product + shipping. There will of course, be NO handling charge and yes, I do accept PayPal.

The reason I have to make this disclaimer is it has been found that Duke's mayonnaise has been found to be more addictive than crack and the other side effect is you will never be able to eat any of that horrible crap made by Hellmann's, Kraft and other pathetic excuses for the rest of your natural life.

Want some? Just say the word and it ships tomorrow........




FWIW, I used to work next door to the Duke's plant (they are owned by Sauer or McCormick's now) and that has not deterred me from eating their product. Yes, it's that clean and no 'funny' smells associated with other food processing plants that you normally experience when you drive past them.

[ad4mg]

The reason I have to make this disclaimer is it has been found that Duke's mayonnaise has been found to be more addictive than crack and the other side effect is you will never be able to eat any of that horrible crap made by Hellmann's, Kraft and other pathetic excuses for the rest of your natural life.
Yep, I concur ... now made by the C.F. Sauer Company, based right here in Richmond.

THE C.F.SAUER CO., Richmond, VA (http://www.dukesmayo.com)

"The Secret of Great Southern Cooks" ... "Family Recipe Since 1917"

They been making it for 90 years. There's a reason for that!


DUKE'S MACARONI AND CHEESE

* 8 oz. elbow macaroni, cooked
* 4 cups cheddar cheese, shredded
* 1 cup Duke's Mayonase
* 1 cup sour cream

Combine all ingredients and spoon into a baking dish. Bake at 325° for 30 minutes.

Makes12 servings.

And that's all I have to say about that ... 8)

[KC8TCQ]

The reason I have to make this disclaimer is it has been found that Duke's mayonnaise has been found to be more addictive than crack and the other side effect is you will never be able to eat any of that horrible crap made by Hellmann's, Kraft and other pathetic excuses for the rest of your natural life.



I can attest to this, while I was down south on the hurricane operations I was exposed to Duke's, and am bummed no place closer than 3 hours away carries it.

[kf0rt]

I simply MUST have me some.

Not for me (but maybe). For the cute blond at work who resolved this year to eat her weight in mayo (Five foot two, eyes of blue...). Shouldn't she have the very best? Never even heard of Duke's, honest. But, I see that their online store delivers. Hmmm...

[kc7jty]

If you can't eat your mayo out of the jar by the spoonful,
MERCY!
I thought soybean oil didn't come into vogue until later onski.

[WV6Z]

But, I see that their online store delivers. Hmmm...

Torture her with the very best! Seriously, I had no idea that they ship it pretty much anywhere now. There are so many people who send out CARE packages to ex-pats it's almost crazy.

[KC8TCQ]

But, I see that their online store delivers. Hmmm...

Torture her with the very best! Seriously, I had no idea that they ship it pretty much anywhere now. There are so many people who send out CARE packages to ex-pats it's almost crazy.

Yeah but from what I saw, the online store only offers the low fat, sugar free versions. I like full test :dance

[ad4mg]

But, I see that their online store delivers. Hmmm...

Torture her with the very best! Seriously, I had no idea that they ship it pretty much anywhere now. There are so many people who send out CARE packages to ex-pats it's almost crazy.

Yeah but from what I saw, the online store only offers the low fat, sugar free versions. I like full test :dance

Dude ...

FAT FULL DUKE'S HERE - CLICK ME! (http://orders.cfsauer.com/showitemlist.asp?category=37)

They have ALL their products available via mail order. From the home page ... click the online shopping link at the top of the page, then click the "Duke's Mayonase" link, next to the picture of the jar.

I think they charge extra to ship to points north of the Mason-Dixon ... :mrgreen:

[kf0rt]

Is it all sugar free?

Can't afford to take any chances here...

[ad4mg]

Is it all sugar free?

Can't afford to take any chances here...

I checked, and the original Duke's is definitely sugar free. That's what we use ... my wife is an insulin dependent diabetic. The fat free, lite, and cholesterol all list sugar in the ingredients. So, it looks like only the original is sugar free.

[kc7jty]

It must be tough avoiding sugar in this country. I hate sugar in my food, especially bread. Seems you can't get away from it. The snack foods and crackers are increasing their sugar content too. :wall

[kf0rt]

It must be tough avoiding sugar in this country. I hate sugar in my food, especially bread. Seems you can't get away from it. The snack foods and crackers are increasing their sugar content too. :wall

I read all of three books last year. Two of them were on diabetes (I'm genetically predisposed, so it seems; doc already has me on Actos). From what I can tell, most bread IS sugar, once your body breaks it down.

[kf0rt]

Is it all sugar free?

Can't afford to take any chances here...

I checked, and the original Duke's is definitely sugar free. That's what we use ... my wife is an insulin dependent diabetic. The fat free, lite, and cholesterol all list sugar in the ingredients. So, it looks like only the original is sugar free.

Cool... Just wanna make sure I order the REAL stuff (not that concerned about the sugar... yet). :shock:

[KC8TCQ]

It must be tough avoiding sugar in this country. I hate sugar in my food, especially bread. Seems you can't get away from it. The snack foods and crackers are increasing their sugar content too. :wall

I read all of three books last year. Two of them were on diabetes (I'm genetically predisposed, so it seems; doc already has me on Actos). From what I can tell, most bread IS sugar, once your body breaks it down.

Carb's turn into sugar almost instantly, so someone who is diabetic has to be careful when dealing with potatos etc..

[KC8TCQ]

Is it all sugar free?

Can't afford to take any chances here...

I checked, and the original Duke's is definitely sugar free. That's what we use ... my wife is an insulin dependent diabetic. The fat free, lite, and cholesterol all list sugar in the ingredients. So, it looks like only the original is sugar free.


Ok, as long as it does not have any artificial sweeteners I am safe. I am highly allergic to nutrisweet or whatever the hell it is called.

[kf0rt]

It must be tough avoiding sugar in this country. I hate sugar in my food, especially bread. Seems you can't get away from it. The snack foods and crackers are increasing their sugar content too. :wall

I read all of three books last year. Two of them were on diabetes (I'm genetically predisposed, so it seems; doc already has me on Actos). From what I can tell, most bread IS sugar, once your body breaks it down.

Carb's turn into sugar almost instantly, so someone who is diabetic has to be careful when dealing with potatos etc..

Yeah, that's pretty much the bottom line. Makes bread a no-no. Beer too, and that really sucks.

[kc2orw]

You can also add some canned tuna to Steve's Grandma's base recipe a nice option for variety.

[WV6Z]

Duke's is ALL sugar free...... I am a diabetic too, so that's kinda important here as well.

[kc7jty]

that explains why sugar levels in bread are irrelevant. It's what sugar does in my mouth I don't like.
Best mayo I ever had was home made with olive oil, fresh eggs and a pinch of mustard powder. It was made with one of those hand held wand type blender things. :drool

that explains why sugar levels in bread are irrelevant. It's what sugar does in my mouth I don't like.
Best mayo I ever had was home made with olive oil, fresh eggs and a pinch of mustard powder. It was made with one of those hand held wand type blender things. :drool

That is called a whatsamahozit.

[kf0rt]

Duke's is ALL sugar free...... I am a diabetic too, so that's kinda important here as well.

Ordered some yesterday (finally).

Will pass along a review from a mayo junkie (not me) when it gets here.

[kf0rt]

FWIW...

The Duke's arrived today. Two quarts for about $20 including shipping -- expensive, but it gets a lot cheaper if you buy more. One quart is in the fridge here; the other goes to the blond chick who writes our documentation.

I'll post any notable results. :twisted:

[WV6Z]

They will be sufficiently impressed! http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d148/ku4my/smileybaby.gif

[KC8TCQ]

I'm gonna have to get some so I can try it. Never been a Hellman's fan

[N3ATS]

I'm gonna have to get some so I can try it. Never been a Hellman's fan

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/4d/Aunt_Esther.jpg/180px-Aunt_Esther.jpg
YOU ARE A HEATHEN!

[WV6Z]

I'm gonna have to get some so I can try it. Never been a Hellman's fan

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/4d/Aunt_Esther.jpg/180px-Aunt_Esther.jpg
YOU ARE A HEATHEN!

Hellman's is chicken shyte with the black bits removed. :twisted:

[kf0rt]

Okay, sports fans. Here's the official review:


After buying chicken tenders and a french roll at Safeway, I went home and made a sandwich. The star of this sandwich was Duke's Mayo... And, let's just say, last night I asked Eddie for a divorce. I told him I had met the man of my dreams. And his name is Duke. Yes, the mayo is THAT good.

[WV6Z]

HAH! That's a good one!