There once was a man from Nantucket...

[N3ATS]

...who liked to drink milk from a bucket.
He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin,
If I had a straw, I could suck it!

See, and you guys thought it would be perverted.

[nq6v]

Like a true Misfit.

Take a bow.

[N2RJ]

It could be dirty and perverted if you want it to be.

[al2i]

I thought of your battles with Albert here Jerry, so this is for you.


There was an old man of Maryland,
who pawed thesaurus with hairyhands.
With a word he there found,
great diction he did expound!
That pretentious old man of Maryland.

There once was a man from Alaska,
He drilled for oil, not for laska.
Once he heard from a nerd,
Many looked up Thesaurus word
He then chose the nerd as his masta.

[kc7jty]

Good reply Jerry.

There was this old man from Kent
his d*ck was so long it bent
so, to save him some trouble
he stuck it in double
and instead of coming he went.

There was an old man from Idaho
He decided to travel to Chicago you know.
He jumped in the car,
And not very far,
Jews were pointing; exclaiming "You da ho"!

[WV6Z]

I once took our vicar CGC out for tea;

It was just as I thought it would be:

His rumblings abdominal

Were simply phenomenal,

And everyone thought it was me.

[kc7jty]

There was an old man from Idaho
He decided to travel to Chicago you know.
He jumped in the car,
And not very far,
Jews were pointing; exclaiming "You da ho"!
thank god for the fringe element.
Still planning to drive that way just not sure exactly when. Should know by Friday.

There was this smooth dude in Chicagoland
who (unlike others) never stuck his head in the sand
said it's OK to have a beer with him
but 1,500 miles is a far out whim

[K1OU]

And a man is walking on a beach and happens upon a fraulein with no arms or legs, and she is crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asked.

"Because I've never been kissed before", she lamented.

In an act of kindness, he kissed her and set her down, and starting along his path.

Seconds later, he hears crying again and turns around to wonder what's wrong.

"I've never been phucked" she bemoaned.

The gentleman proceeded to pick her up and throw her in the ocean.

Walking away, he muses..."NOW YOU'RE PHUCKED"

[kc7jty]

MERCY!

[kb2vxa]

So THAT'S what washed up on the beach this morning!

Nymphomaniacal Nell
Used a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her momma
With Barik Obama
Then she really blew up!

So THAT'S what washed up on the beach this morning!

Nymphomaniacal Nell
Used a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her momma
With Barik Obama
Then she really blew up!

All so swell.

There once was a man from Phuket
Launch on Iran, he wanted to nuke it
Thailand had no bombs
He had to borrow his mom's
And he paid her back with a bouquet.

There once was a man from Ahia
At least that's what it said on his bio
QRZ said he was banned
Until STH gets canned
And he gets a kiss from the amazing Princess Liah

A young lady asked for an oscillator
While working on the campaign for Ralph Nader
A Colpitts or Pierce
She decided were fierce
So it was a relaxation multivibrator.

While loading some rounds in her pistol
Janie watched a train car with a missile
Daddy plead for the gun
Now she's on the run
And she's hoping her rap gets dismissal.

Eddie Haskell asked of Mrs Cleaver
I was hoping to find here, The Beaver
She slapped down his face
Kicked him off the place
And yelled that Wally wasn't there either.

[kc7jty]

poor Eddie
The only ones I know are bad. ;)

[kb2vxa]

Eddie Haskell asked of Mrs Cleaver
I was hoping to find here a beaver
She slapped it down right on his face
Then kicked him right off the place
And yelled "Wally didn't go there either!"

[n8ats]

there once was a man up here
from the wasteland of swamp and deer
he became a ham
in search of pretty clam
that wasn't worth a dam
he wore it thin and thick,
like starting a fire with a stick
he said hold on baby here comes the show!
as he pulls back to target
he sprays her best friend Margret
who says Damn! that was QRO!

[kb2vxa]

EH? Now there you have a case study in iambic pentameter.

[w3sy]

Good reply Jerry.

There was this old man from Kent
his d*ck was so long it bent
so, to save him some trouble
he stuck it in double
and instead of coming he went.

There was an old man from Iraq
With holes down the length of his cock.
When he had an erection
He played a selection
By Johann Sebastian Bach.

[kb2vxa]

Bach on the skin flute, Kathryn Bach maybe?

[kc9kow]

As told to me by my stepfather years ago: "Take it out she cried with accents bitter! Take it out, Take it out, you got it in my shitter!"

"A man once hung with Dean Martin, who always insisted on fartin' Once he bent over, then tried to light it, and the local gay man thought he would bite it."

[kb2vxa]

Jose, get your bagpipes
And head down to the square
Serenade the passers-bye
And you'll make some money there

Jose came to this country
Looking for a chance
To make some decent money
To buy a pair of pants
But we were in recession
And jobs were far and few
So Jose took his bagpipes
And did what he had to do

Dressed in his Sombrero and Kilt
With his bagpipes and maracas
Playing away for his supper
Boiled haggis with nachos

One day while he was basking
A pretty young lassie came by
She said "Jose, take a stroll with me"
Says Jose, "Si! Si! Och' 'Aye!"
They spent the day together
Then she took him to a dance
Well, Jose moved most gracefully
'Cause he wasn't wearing pants

And he was born in Mexico City
Educated in Scotland
In sandals and bright tartan poncho
Jose's fashion statement was not planned

But when Jose went to the men's room
There was trouble close at hand
Cause in came Bob, the sailor man
The roughest man in the land
Says Bob, "You're lookin' pretty
In your little tartan dress
Now you'd best be off to the ladies room
'fore I pummels you into a mess"

Now you could have heard a pin drop
As Jose tongued around
His Scottish-Mexican blood began to boil
And it made this kind of sound...

(Insert raging Mexican Pipes)

And when it all was over
Sailor Bob lay on the floor
He looked the saddest sorry wreck
Ever blown a shore
Now, the sailors keep a lookout
Whenever they're on the land
For they knows well that they doesn't mess
With a Scottish Mexican man!

[W3MPS]

An upstart who gained notoriety

Is shunned by the cream of society

For his foul ventral breezes

He voids as he pleases,

In tones of fantastic variety.




Next week......... dirty haikus

Sounds like someone interested in incontinental travel.

[K1OU]

The fine Chicagoan Jerry
Always kept it light and airy
Until one day
Zook came our way
And thought he was too f*&kin scary

[kc7jty]

ha....ha.....HAAH! :lol:

Over here in the land of Barak Obama
Where we are still waiting for the apprehension of Osama
We get quite a kick
From Ahia wit
Idaho wit we will understand tamarra.

[K1OU]

A witty response from XR
Another post raising the bar
Osama's still missing
And the neos are dissing
The ones who are right, har har har

[WV6Z]

1/20/09, the end of an error, and beginning of a new one.

Fixed that for ya.

k thnx bye

[KI4BNC]

there once was a lady from venus,
who's body was shaped like a...
never mind.I forgot the rest.
Old mother hubbard went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone
but when she bent over
rover took over and
gave her a bone of his own.

WHAT!!!
I seen worse here?!?!?!
Little boy blue...
he needed the money.

take my wife.PLEASE!

There once was a 6-call in 4-land
Who did not seem too informed-and..
His personality was not too elastic
For someone in plastics
So he decomposed to resins and Lexan

[K1OU]

Tom the expatriate waxed and waned
His blatherings numerous to those he pained
Off on a tangent
His thoughts so random
That no real knowledge was gained

[WV6Z]

Tiz true a pain in the arse is I,
It's natch, I don't have to try,
Whether Demz or Republicans
I make fun of all of emz,
And I don't give a damn if they cry.

[KI4BNC]

There once was a man from Dundee
who buggered an ape in a tree
the results were most horrid'
all balls and no forhead'
with 2 double chins
and a purple goatee. :mrgreen:

While pondering one day about a tuner,
And catching the 12:03 nooner,
She said "I want Johnson
Much like Pierce Brosnan"
To Bond like Star Pals when I moon 'er.

[n2ize]

Edited for reasons withheld.

[HUGH]

There was a young man from Devizes
Whose ----- were of different sizes
One was so small
It was no use at all
And the other was large and won prizes.

Mary had a little lamb
She wired it to the mains
And when she switched the power on
It blew out all it's brains.

[HUGH]

Nursery Rhymes for the children (yes they are quite safe!)

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner
Eating his Christmas pie
He put in his thumb
But instead of a plum
He squirted the juice in his eye.

Ding-Dong bell
Pussy's in the well
But now we've disinfected it
So never mind the smell.

[M0GLO]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who... umm... oh yeah! Got his foot stuck in a bucket!
He... mmmm... damn!
F*ck it!

There once was an old man named Tom
In a matter of a moment he was gone
Trying to play the victim act
Goin' round stabbin in the back
Jerry looks like a pincushion of my Mom

[K1OU]

Tom the unstable Bailey
Cried like a girl daily
When people called him on his crap
And he opened his trap
And he shrieked oh so gaily....

Climbing up the tower to fix my Yagi
WX was getting a bit foggy.
When I tripped on a bolt
Powered by more than a volt
Fergot my climbing equipment. Brain a bit soggy.

[kc7jty]

Climbing up the tower to fix my quad
the top of the tower wouldn't support my bod
we started to swayin
which got me to sayin
f the quad, thought this clod that was prayin :hand

[kc7jty]

Two eye has left us to chase his dreams
never to return, so it seems
Noble Pauly had no chance
but two eye did the fantastic dance
now that he sees there is no hope
will he return to us dopes